Windows in My life

Monday, September 1, 2014

Every day chances

Today a friend of mine stated that he was always there for me and any time I need to talk he's there. Good thought in theory. Bad in practice. When I want to talk he's out with his friends or tired from the days event or will get back to me on something I have a question about and doesn't get back to me. Then when he wants to talk I'm tired or have to go some place. Time isn't on our side, so to speak.

This is as much interaction I get from him once or twice a week. So the question is: how many chances do I give one person before giving up and joining a nunnery?

I give leeway but for most of my friends its the same story. No one seems to really care that I am away either. it seems they go on with their lives. Oh well.

I have this blog, which no one seems to leave comments on, so I don't know if I'll get any feedback or suggestions on how to deal with the no friends no relationship thing.

If you do read this please let me know.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Created a Monster and a tale of two starters

I've created myself into a monster. I don't know how I do it however people change into something I don't know and then become the monster they want to know. I just shut down. 

Aug. 25
On a different note the starter I started on Aug. 25th with one container and a hope that I can get a starter started for bread, as an experiment just to trust myself. Then yesterday this happened:
Aug. 30


Then this morning I had to put the starter in two containers because I don't have any thing big enough to put it in just yet. However they have doubled in size and the smaller amount has risen to the other level in the same amount of time. I am going to take a picture of the twins later. I am also going to take one to school to see what my bread teacher thinks.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Playing with Besan Ladoo

Early stages of Ladoo. Bottom is Kokum syrup.
A friend told me about the desert so I wanted to try and make it.

So went to the local Indian market yesterday and today had the whole day to make it. Yea, two attempts and Besan all over the house with some take away points. Gee is something that can be sold in a jar. and I need to do more R and D for this desert. I may have to find an Indian restaurant to let me stage for a couple of days so I can learn and replicate it at home. Not just Ladoo, but a few different deserts as well.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Choices, Dough, and Kokum

There is an odd moment in one's life where its better alone. Right now seems the time for it. I've been alone since the X left and now its starting to settle.

However on the rare occasion you want to call someone up and have some fun either cooking, chatting or just being oneself and you can't because they don't exist.

I just have to chose to stay comfortable in my skin and wait out that. I don't really do much of anything besides go to school and home. My friends (I can count on one hand) have lives and I don't want to torcher them with yet another funny joke I heard at school about food.

It will happen one day, I know it will, I just have to make the right choices and be open to it when it comes.

"I've got thyme on my side, yes I doooo" food humor, gotta love it.

On another note, I have been battling with dough and Kokum. Dough is tough because its my strong suit. I thought Breads class an easy A because its just making dough rise and then baking to a nice crisp. Brain went on over load because the high moisture content of it. I guess the Joy of Cooking (great book and my holy word) doesn't believe in anything higher than that of a cup of water. My battle with it has turned my world in many different directions. Starting to, after the second week, making peace with said dough and starting to feel comfortable with it.

Kokum is another beast. when I tasted it plain, it is as bitter as bitters in the liquor cabinet. After about 7-8 cups of sugar and vanilla extract, I finally got the bitter out, however it won't freeze. Too funny! Oh I guess you have to be in my brain or a food junky like a cook or have a mind for weird foods.

Going to end here. Being tired and sick is weary on me.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Up

Oh my. Last few days I was dying for sleep. Now my brain says nope not going to do it. Wouldn't be prudent. Sleep please?

Thursday, June 12, 2014

My Oldest is 5

5 years ago today, well at 3;52 am, I became a mommy to a beautiful baby girl named Arabella. 9lbs 13 oz, 21.5 inches long. 2.5 weeks over due, 36 hrs of induced labor and then an emergency C-Section.

I think motherhood starts the moment a woman sees the two lines on a pregnancy test. Confirms it with the doctors and it syncs into the brain.  Well enough about me. Onto the next year. I hope I make it.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Post weekend blues

I forgot how busy one can get with birthdays, social engagements, and just enjoying downtime with the littles.

What I didn't like is how awkward I felt with all the couples around and how the parents would say the required hello and then go away. Then when we went to Bella's friends house, my "friends" were stepping around certain things with me, I knew they would but it still felt forced and stiff, not like it was before the X and I split.

Some day I will have some one by my side, so I won't be that socially awkward around my couple friends. He will be handsome and knock everyone's socks off with how nice he treats me and the girls. How the married ladies would swoon to me and ask if he is really mine and I will with out hesitation say YES.

Just takes time and I need to keep on going with my fantasies.

Just hate the post weekend blues when I had such an awesome time with the littes.