Windows in My life

Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts

Monday, July 9, 2012

Do I believe in myself?

At the end of Peter Pan, Peter asks everyone to clap if they believe in Tinkerbell as she lay clinging to life at the end of the movie. I remember as a young girl, clapping my hands to make sure the 40 year old movie heard me and I remember being joyful when she woke up and everyone was overwhelmed with happiness.

I still believe in Tinkerbell and clap at the end of the movie, what I did lose is the belief in myself. Having a horrid childhood can do that to a person. And I have been taking it out and not believing in the people around me. Especially my husband. I don't know if he has the energy to clap anymore.

When I was younger my mother (Captain Hook in Peter Pan); threw cannon ball after cannon ball of negativity, self doubt and every bad curse word she could think of to knock me down and my step-dad was there to help dust me off but as I got older the cannon balls made holes in me. Far too tiny to see in a picture by an outsider. I could see it though. I thought that by growing up and getting away from her I was able to start believing in myself. I thought wrong.

I think when I had Bella, I thought it was part of my mother's curse. Yet another thing my mother got right about who I am as a person. And as I learned the sex of my second child I felt like again I had failed. However my husband didn't give up the belief I could change my attitude towards them as they didn't chose to become girls just to taunt me. I realize this now as I look back on the past 3 years and two kids later.

I need to start clapping for myself. Believing I can succeed in life, to teach my girls they can succeed in life with the grace and dignity that I should have been raised with but was unfortunate not to get. I need to show my husband that this will work for the family and not a fly by night one time deal.

I am still going to do the #MLBMobyWrap Giveaway because this week is the All Star Break and I am still all about giveaways!

So world watch out I am clapping my way to victory. I am still in the top of the seventh with one out and a runner on second.