Windows in My life

Showing posts with label getting better. Show all posts
Showing posts with label getting better. Show all posts

Monday, April 16, 2012

Pinning #HAWMC

Here are my Three "Pins":


I didn't pin anything dark or depressing, nor pills or pill bottles because that is what every one expects some one to pin about depression. I chose to do the positive words for a messed up mind.

The first one is the girl that says "My beauty comes from having my own style, living my own way and knowing my own mind." For a long time I had a negative self image. Most of my childhood was spent being looked down and tormented, being bullied because I was the easy mark. My clothes and my childhood home made me that way. The depression that I didn't know existed at the time, led me at seven years old telling a roommate my mother had that I wanted to kill myself. I am here so I didn't follow through. I don't think my "AH-HAH" moment came until I was looking at my eldest daughter and I had to break the cycle and say that I am different and I am beautiful. Like they say in recovery, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the person you love first and then it will be second nature for you to do it for yourself.

The Second one I pinned states, "Nothing is impossible, the word it self says I'M POSSIBLE!" and that is by Audrey Hepburn. When you are in a cycle of depression and self flagellation, you think everything is impossible. Impossible to wake up for work, impossible to feed yourself, impossible to go forward with things that make you happy in your old life. Trust me, when you are depressed, you look back on the happy weeks as a different time span, almost like a parallel universe to where you don't understand what's going on. Almost a Ms. Jeckle, Depressed Hyde personality. I feel I border on M.P.D. Multiple Personality Disorder because I sometimes don't remember what ever happened the day before as if it was some one else's life.

The last is a picture of a bright sunny day and a few flowers reaching to that sun for energy and warmth. I feel like that when I come out of a cycle of depression or just got on to medication that I can feel lifting me out of that funk. Like smiling for no reason or knowing my head isn't weighted down by a funk, is a great clear moment.

I am a bit tired now. If you want to follow me for other reasons on Pintrest or need an Invite please Follow Me on Pinterest (I heart technology now a days!)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sleep Training mid-update day 4

Well we didn't eat the cereal, but we did take a small nap between the hours of 4-6pm. So I thought it best if we pushed her bed time a little bit further because of the 2 hr nap but as it is we are going as planed. I think the co-sleeping is good for short amounts of time and for the first 6 months of life. I don't have any hang ups on it. I think if I was in a better bed and my back was a bit stronger, I would do it more often but since its not and we don't have a better mattress right now I would have to say that we are good for 6 months. I also think because the crib is literally right next to the bed (only a half a step away) not in another room, its like she is co-sleeping with us.

I would in a heart beat put her in our bed again if there was any issues with her, cold, flu or just wanting to be near Mommy and Daddy, but as it is right now, she needed to go to sleep for her happiness a lot earlier and for the past few days, she has been waking up happy and refreshed. And for me, that's all that counts. Now I have to figure out a way to go to sleep with out her smelling me and we're all good!

Sleep Training update and Day 4

Update - We started a new, yet old bedtime song and dance. Since I do get home first we played and had some bare butt time (we have our house at 70 Degrees so there is no chill in the air for her). After that we transitioned to the bath and got dressed for bed. This was all before 6 pm PST! Then the rice cereal, it was much better as I am learning that play is the best part of food time for her. She actually ate some of the food, though there was 75% of the Ounce of rice and Breast Milk still left but its a very good start for a baby that hasn't had too much interest in eating solids. By then hubby came home and he played with her for a small (30 minutes) and at the first signs of eye rubs, we all went into the bedroom and read two books. It was 7:30 pm when she went down.

Hubby put Baby to sleep last night. He said it was heart breaking to see her try and sit up for him to pick her up when he said good night to her. It only took about 15 minutes for the crying to stop. We don't have a video monitor so I couldn't see what was going on in the bedroom. I came to sleep about 9 pm and felt my baby attached to the side of the bumpers (yes we have bumpers). So I pried her hands a way and tried to turn her towards the center again, but she woke up. I tried to ride it out, but because I just pumped, I think she smelled milk and wanted a snack. So I gave in again. And put her in the bed and we both feel asleep.

This morning I placed her back in the crib, so I can pump, and hopefully she stays sleeping for another hr.

Today is day 4 so hopefully it goes as smoothly as day 3 and keeps getting better.

Monday, December 28, 2009

sleep training update and day 3

Last night #2 after DD ate her rice ceral, brushed her teething buds (3 of them) and some more Milk, I found her closing her eyes at the boob and decided it was time to put her down 7pm PST or 10 pm EST. After CIO for a half an hr in which we stayed by the door just in case. She went to sleep. Fast forward 2 hrs I am ready to go to bed, I look upon my sleeping child and she is sleeping on her belly, so I move her face up and then she starts to cry again. I wait for a few minutes but decide to place her on the boob and in our bed because she was a good girl and I need the sleep! Fast forward to 4:15 am this morning and I wake up to pump before working. I place her in the crib and do what I need to do before work. She's crying by 5:30 AM. I need to go to work and hubby is care giver if she wakes up by this time. He let's her CIO for a few mintues and I go to work. I am told she slept for another 45 minutes and started the day happy. Which is all that counts to me.

Tonight is going to be the same. Hopefully I can keep her in her bed the whole night, baby steps. Though I am thinking about pumping one more time so I can keep up my supply. Her going to bed early is good but supply will tank.