Windows in My life

Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dear sixteen year old self,

Can you believe you are now 32? Have two daughters, a husband, a house, and the VW?
Me at 16 with my friend Winston

I know it seems far fetched because you are in the mist of a melt down. You will get help and medication for what you are finding out from your biological father about a chemical imbalance in your brain called Bi-Polar Mania. The medication will make things better, but our mom will not.

When you are 18, she will call the cops and have them place you under a 5150, though its hard for the doctors to find out what is wrong with you after the first 12 hours of being there. Some of them think our mom should be in here, not you. When you get back to your home, your mother is there with a restraining order not to go near her or your childhood home. All of this at the start of your last year in high school, how rude right?

You do graduate from Skyline High School with top honors. Both the Future Teachers and Preforming Arts magnate completions and honor roll cords. I think we were the first person to do such a thing in the schools history. I doubt that few will remember, but we will!

It took us a few more years to complete college than we had hoped. 1 year in City College and 5 years in San Francisco State University. You met a few friends, laughed and tried so hard to shed the awkwardness about you by reinventing yourself a few times. However it seemed not to work and the self doubt haunts you even to this day. 

You did get a job at the PlayStation Store San Francisco in the Metreon. Yup you get into video games. You actually meet your husband there, however don't know it yet, and meet another guy that will break your heart into a million pieces and runs back to Michigan. So when you see a tall handsome, blond hair, blue eyed guy that is just as shy, RUN AWAY! 

A few years later when you're about to turn 27, our mother dies and you lose your childhood home to fore-closer. You have days from when you find out that she has died to when they take it away, to prioritize the things that you want to take with you and the things you will never see again. And those decisions still haunt you till this day.

A year latter you get married and another year after that your first daughter is born. Bella is a great little girl and brings mountains of joy. So in 2011 you try once again and you have another daughter Grace and you decide to give her our mother's middle name as hers. 

Please do not be scared as this is even over whelming to your 32 year old self. Just know that you do not become what your mother has told you, however the bit about the girls were right. 

You are not crazy, you do become loved by yourself, and you are loved by others.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Start of a homemade guru? The Tutu Story

To stick to a New Years Goal of getting off my duff and start making something of and for myself and family, led to the motivation of making things from scratch. Whether it be food or home goods including clothes. 

When I was a kid I didn't have a good impression of homemade clothes. My mother used to make a few of my summer dresses and a few shirts which was fine. However the hang up was when she took my store bought dresses that still fit on the top, however because I would have a growth spurt (as all kids do) they turned in to mini skirts, she would find the "matching" (that kind of looked like the dress material but was off) material and sew an extra panel to the bottom of the dress. To an eight year old all ready getting teased and bullied because I was different having this fashion faux pas was just another nail in my coffin. 

By associating this with the sewing machine and the horrid dresses that my mom tacked with extra material, I disliked dresses and the thought of home made anything made me think of clothes looking cheep and dirty.

Flash forward twenty years I met my husband and he had a love of sewing. Soon I was introduced back into the thing I vowed not to touch back when I was an eight year old child. A Sewing Machine. The fabric store was easy to get back into. The feel of the yards of different fabrics made my brain explode with different ideas of things to make. Maybe a bag, maybe make an actual piece of clothing or something like a bed sheet. A few years later I got pregnant and I got all the Winnie the Pooh material, patterns and accessories to make everything a nursery would need. However a good majority of material is still uncut, the patterns are still folded and the accessories have been used a little. Though I did manage to make a quilt for my first daughter, but that's a different story.

Two and a half years later, I had my second daughter and my eldest was getting into girly things like princesses, also their fluffy dresses and Tutu's. However to spend the money on one pre-made tutu with out braking the bank is hard. So I decided to make two. One for my eldest and one for my baby girl. 

On my quest to the fabric store I found an organza I thought would be nice as a topper to the tutu rather than just plane white tutu.
The organza I used
The problem was with the tulle. How to make the multiple layers with out cutting each piece individually. I solved the problem by folding the tulle fabric to the correct size that I wanted, I sewed  it to the top and bottom layer of organza (I feel tulle is a bit itchy so I used the sheer part of the organza to make a backing), I cut the folds and sewed a pink ribbon on it.



My baby girl trying it on. She wasn't too happy about being the model however I did get to snag these pictures. It should be with a white onesie or a nice shirt and leggings.


Now on to my eldest's tutu!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Happy 2 months of life Baby Grace

Two months and a day ago, I thought I would not be able to love two girls.
Grace a few hours old

You proved me wrong.

I love you and your sister, (though trying as both of you maybe) with a love that can not be expressed in words.

You have survived the kissing and hugging and patting from Bella.

You have survived mommy's melt downs with and with out medication. Mommy is the one that's in need of medication.

You have survived another milestone in your small short life. 

Grace at 1 month
You are teaching me another lesson in slowing down and taking one step at a time and to remember to breath.

You are letting me experience the joy of motherhood a second time and seeing life through your brand new eyes.

This time I am a bit more relaxed.

This time I don't feel the pressure of trying to have the perfect anything and everything.

This time I know when you look into my eyes, I know what you are thinking... well some of the time.

This time I can do what's right for me and not feel like I am going to hurt you. 


All I want to do is love and hold you.

Thank you baby Grace.
Grace at 2 months old

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Yoga for the baby, Yoga for the Mommy @ A Body of Work

I am on maternity leave and have really nothing to do till I go back to work. Ok, be a Stay At Home Mom for a little bit, go to MD appointments for me and Grace, and of course be home to welcome Bella home from day care. Besides that I have nothing to do with Grace.

So,  it took two and a half years, I finally joined the Golden Gate Mothers Group. As you can gather from the name, its local San Francisco mothers group that has a lot of moms trying to find some activities for their little ones during the day. Since I am one of those moms right now I wanted to have some fun with Grace while the Summer... I mean Winter weather was good. So my first foray into the realm of being a SAHM with a little one is Yoga. More specifically Baby Yoga from A Body of Work. http://www.abodyofwork-sf.com/php/index.php?v=home



The studio is by the Lucas Arts Studio in the Presidio by the Lombard gates. The studio itself is very nice, hardwood in the studios and the latest equipment (from what I saw). The instructor was very nice at the door as I walked in. She was very kind and told me where I could get mats and blankets. There are mats and extra blankets there so if you're like me and don't have a mat and they have plenty to spare. Because it was a GGMG day the instructor said there were more moms than usual so it made me want to come back to see what it was like in a typical class.


The instructor, when the class began, told us that the class was very flexible to the baby's needs and if we needed to feed, change a diaper or leave because the baby was over loaded that was totally fine. 


Grace wasn't very fussy as some of the baby's there but wanted to be fed and was overloaded with new movements a few times. She liked looking at the baby next to her, a cute chubby 6 month old and something called "Roll-ly Poll-ly" where you hold both hands and feet with your hands and roll the baby side to side from ear to ear and the Dino walk (modified because there were so many moms), her in my arms, with my legs spread out shoulder with a part and bent. Then rock slowly to one side pointing that toe and very slowly going back to the bend and rocking to the other side and repeat on the other side.


She didn't like (right now) anything to do with movements of her limbs. The instuctor said that it might happen as being almost two months Grace might not be fully aware of the limbs yet, so we are going to practice at home. 


We also did some baby massage as well. Grace didn't mind the massage of the legs, and again it was a little short because of the size of the group. however it was a good experience for Grace and I and like I said before I am going to go when its a "normal class" to see what the difference is. 


(I was not paid for this review, I did this on my own accord)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Pregnancy Withdrawl

I think I am being bitten by the baby bug again, but as I would need to spend another year at the work I am trying to get out of because of the medical and the certainty of having a paycheck. Also as the ticker on my side bar states there is another year before we (hubby and I) would feel comfortable TTC'ing again. My OBGYN says that she doesn't want me pregnant again for another year as well due to the C-Section I had, but I have a sneaking suspicion its to get me medicated and feeling like a new person, though I don't want to get pregnant with the medication that I am on. They are very harsh class C drugs (bad for baby in tummy and for Breast Feeding) and I am currently disobeying doctors orders for another month and a half so my baby can have 6 months of the Boob milk. I know its bad but its not like they can arrest me for taking that stance.

Its fun to look at my pregnancy blog (clicky) and see the tickers move backwards and then forwards because it goes on a due date that has no year date. But alas I have a healthy and happy four month old, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Maybe next year we can try for a 10/10/10 or an 11/11/11 or a 12/12/12 baby.