I think for the life of our relationship, my husband and I have been setting our own expectations of each other and not discussing what they are with each other.
Going to work and paying the bills were the standard expectations when we didn't have kids. We didn't discuss what was expected of us after kids. We did a bit however stopped talking about them and it brought heartache and term oil to this relationship.
I think partly it's the "man" vs "woman's" roles that we all take on. I feel that it is hard to shoulder all the house work on one person. However I always looked on it as a whole never thinking parts until recently. My husband had to shoulder a lot. I wasn't believing in myself a whole lot and decided it would be better if others did it for me. Like look after my kids or cleaned the home. I always felt in the way or too inexperienced.
That was the lack of self esteem butting in. I always complained that jobs were not hiring me because of lack of experience and I was shooting myself in the foot for just that with house work. I think, if I applied one fourth of the energy a bit earlier that I did in pitting myself to house work, I would be the master at it.
So my expectations of myself are:
1) Make the beds
2) Get breakfast ready
3) Get everyone dressed for the day
4) Make snacks for the day
5) Have fun with my girls in the back yard
1) Get lunch prepared and eaten
2) Wash morning and lunch dishes (Video time for girls)
3) Put in a load of laundry
4) Do a quick once over of the floors
1) Get the girls to nap (maybe just one, I would considered that a victory! Wouldn't you?)
2) Fold and put away laundry
3) Small house work (if time)
4) A trip to the park to get some energy out
5) Start ABC's and numbers with Bella
1) Get dinner ready for Bella and then for us
2) Wash the dishes from dinner prep
3) Get Bella into a great night time routine that incorporates play and reading time with daddy and the whole family
4) Reconnect over dinner with my husband
5) Wash dishes while husband helps to put them away.
I think that's a good start. I can always add to it, as I know a start is a start and not a final solution.