Windows in My life

Showing posts with label Self doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self doubt. Show all posts

Monday, May 21, 2012

Fighting self doubt

I have been unemployed now for two months and its getting easier to live without waking up at 4 in the morning to go to a job that made me wonder if I would have a job the next day. Yup, along story short that happened with me.

Its been hard on me because it makes every penny count twice as much as when we had a second income. I am working on my home spun idea and its getting closer to reality. I got a loan approval for my education. Though I had to ask my dad to be a co-signer. Its hard when you are almost 33 years old and still have to rely on your parents to get a loan. So I better get an A+ for the courses right?

I think myself doubt is coming in when I see my husband have to make a decision whether to pay his car loan or the house bills for the month. Both are equality important, however with me not working its going to get tougher on him. He can't afford to not have his car taken away, his job is an hour away, he needs gas, and food for lunch.

To add on top of that I am highly thinking about pulling B out of daycare. Yes, I am still keeping her in daycare. I haven't decided to pull her out because I think she likes it and I am hoping a to have a job in the next few weeks and I don't want to pull her out just to put her back in and G at the same time. I want to home school them so its better to get her out now right?

Why the self doubt? Because of the lack of a second income, is my will power strong enough for two kids 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Can I home school and hold down a job and bring in a second income all at the same time? Am I insane for wanting it all?