Windows in My life

Showing posts with label Mommy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mommy. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Going back to work, Tomorrow

I never thought the day would come to being. Maybe in a few weeks it will be different. Maybe Grace (the youngest) will not like the arrangement and or grandma will think watching a baby is too rough on her and will have to throw in the towel. Only time will tell.

I have been getting use to the stay at home life. Sleeping in a bit, knowing that the only person to take care of is sleeping right next to you, ok maybe kicking you in the back to change her diaper; because the eldest is at daycare. Getting dressed at noon, so when the mailman comes you do not look like a wreck. Having the freedom to clean the house at what ever time is best for you, because the Netflix marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" is great mind numbing fun.

However fun it seems to me about being the stay at home mom, the anxiety of the real world sets in fast. Bills, depression, and feeling like a failure on some level about being the mom I think my family needs.

I feel the middle ground is me working part time to be there for both kids during the week and to take some pressure off my husband with the bills. Finding my inner craft diva and tacking my husband's sewing machine to sell a few items on Etsy and this new website I found called Craftsy. And getting my Lactation Certificate to hopefully become an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) one day.

For now, I guess, I'll be back behind my desk tomorrow morning at 6 AM Pacific Daylight Time trying to stay awake thinking of Grace and how I am doing this wacky job for her and Bella and no one else.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Dear sixteen year old self,

Can you believe you are now 32? Have two daughters, a husband, a house, and the VW?
Me at 16 with my friend Winston

I know it seems far fetched because you are in the mist of a melt down. You will get help and medication for what you are finding out from your biological father about a chemical imbalance in your brain called Bi-Polar Mania. The medication will make things better, but our mom will not.

When you are 18, she will call the cops and have them place you under a 5150, though its hard for the doctors to find out what is wrong with you after the first 12 hours of being there. Some of them think our mom should be in here, not you. When you get back to your home, your mother is there with a restraining order not to go near her or your childhood home. All of this at the start of your last year in high school, how rude right?

You do graduate from Skyline High School with top honors. Both the Future Teachers and Preforming Arts magnate completions and honor roll cords. I think we were the first person to do such a thing in the schools history. I doubt that few will remember, but we will!

It took us a few more years to complete college than we had hoped. 1 year in City College and 5 years in San Francisco State University. You met a few friends, laughed and tried so hard to shed the awkwardness about you by reinventing yourself a few times. However it seemed not to work and the self doubt haunts you even to this day. 

You did get a job at the PlayStation Store San Francisco in the Metreon. Yup you get into video games. You actually meet your husband there, however don't know it yet, and meet another guy that will break your heart into a million pieces and runs back to Michigan. So when you see a tall handsome, blond hair, blue eyed guy that is just as shy, RUN AWAY! 

A few years later when you're about to turn 27, our mother dies and you lose your childhood home to fore-closer. You have days from when you find out that she has died to when they take it away, to prioritize the things that you want to take with you and the things you will never see again. And those decisions still haunt you till this day.

A year latter you get married and another year after that your first daughter is born. Bella is a great little girl and brings mountains of joy. So in 2011 you try once again and you have another daughter Grace and you decide to give her our mother's middle name as hers. 

Please do not be scared as this is even over whelming to your 32 year old self. Just know that you do not become what your mother has told you, however the bit about the girls were right. 

You are not crazy, you do become loved by yourself, and you are loved by others.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Yoga for the baby, Yoga for the Mommy @ A Body of Work

I am on maternity leave and have really nothing to do till I go back to work. Ok, be a Stay At Home Mom for a little bit, go to MD appointments for me and Grace, and of course be home to welcome Bella home from day care. Besides that I have nothing to do with Grace.

So,  it took two and a half years, I finally joined the Golden Gate Mothers Group. As you can gather from the name, its local San Francisco mothers group that has a lot of moms trying to find some activities for their little ones during the day. Since I am one of those moms right now I wanted to have some fun with Grace while the Summer... I mean Winter weather was good. So my first foray into the realm of being a SAHM with a little one is Yoga. More specifically Baby Yoga from A Body of Work.

The studio is by the Lucas Arts Studio in the Presidio by the Lombard gates. The studio itself is very nice, hardwood in the studios and the latest equipment (from what I saw). The instructor was very nice at the door as I walked in. She was very kind and told me where I could get mats and blankets. There are mats and extra blankets there so if you're like me and don't have a mat and they have plenty to spare. Because it was a GGMG day the instructor said there were more moms than usual so it made me want to come back to see what it was like in a typical class.

The instructor, when the class began, told us that the class was very flexible to the baby's needs and if we needed to feed, change a diaper or leave because the baby was over loaded that was totally fine. 

Grace wasn't very fussy as some of the baby's there but wanted to be fed and was overloaded with new movements a few times. She liked looking at the baby next to her, a cute chubby 6 month old and something called "Roll-ly Poll-ly" where you hold both hands and feet with your hands and roll the baby side to side from ear to ear and the Dino walk (modified because there were so many moms), her in my arms, with my legs spread out shoulder with a part and bent. Then rock slowly to one side pointing that toe and very slowly going back to the bend and rocking to the other side and repeat on the other side.

She didn't like (right now) anything to do with movements of her limbs. The instuctor said that it might happen as being almost two months Grace might not be fully aware of the limbs yet, so we are going to practice at home. 

We also did some baby massage as well. Grace didn't mind the massage of the legs, and again it was a little short because of the size of the group. however it was a good experience for Grace and I and like I said before I am going to go when its a "normal class" to see what the difference is. 

(I was not paid for this review, I did this on my own accord)