Windows in My life

Showing posts with label Families. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Families. Show all posts

Monday, July 9, 2012

Do I believe in myself?

At the end of Peter Pan, Peter asks everyone to clap if they believe in Tinkerbell as she lay clinging to life at the end of the movie. I remember as a young girl, clapping my hands to make sure the 40 year old movie heard me and I remember being joyful when she woke up and everyone was overwhelmed with happiness.

I still believe in Tinkerbell and clap at the end of the movie, what I did lose is the belief in myself. Having a horrid childhood can do that to a person. And I have been taking it out and not believing in the people around me. Especially my husband. I don't know if he has the energy to clap anymore.

When I was younger my mother (Captain Hook in Peter Pan); threw cannon ball after cannon ball of negativity, self doubt and every bad curse word she could think of to knock me down and my step-dad was there to help dust me off but as I got older the cannon balls made holes in me. Far too tiny to see in a picture by an outsider. I could see it though. I thought that by growing up and getting away from her I was able to start believing in myself. I thought wrong.

I think when I had Bella, I thought it was part of my mother's curse. Yet another thing my mother got right about who I am as a person. And as I learned the sex of my second child I felt like again I had failed. However my husband didn't give up the belief I could change my attitude towards them as they didn't chose to become girls just to taunt me. I realize this now as I look back on the past 3 years and two kids later.

I need to start clapping for myself. Believing I can succeed in life, to teach my girls they can succeed in life with the grace and dignity that I should have been raised with but was unfortunate not to get. I need to show my husband that this will work for the family and not a fly by night one time deal.

I am still going to do the #MLBMobyWrap Giveaway because this week is the All Star Break and I am still all about giveaways!

So world watch out I am clapping my way to victory. I am still in the top of the seventh with one out and a runner on second.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Dear 16 year old Bella #HAWMC

I wrote to my sixteen year old self a month ago, however I wanted to write something for my eldest daughter Bella for this exercise.
Bella "Age 16" future

Dear Bella,

My have you grown. I am writing this in 2012 when you are just shy of your 3rd birthday, I know its too early in your life to comprehend a subject like depression and I hope you never will. When I was 16 my mental health wasn't the greatest. I had major issues with my brain that I couldn't figure out. I also wanted to talk about it with my mother, your grandmother about, but she would not listen. I hope our relationship is better and we can talk about everything you want me to know about.

When I was 15 years old, my biological father sent me a packet of information about a metal issue called Bi-Polar Manic Depression. I like the analogy of a roll-a-coaster. Some days you can be very, very happy, and the next very, very sad. Sometimes the days can last for weeks. I didn't know why this was important to me at this age and you are probably wondering why this is important to you. It is important because its something that can be controlled and with out medication, therapy and a lot of support, it can control your life without a care and feeling of failure that you are doing something wrong. And you are not. Its hard to grasp when you have hormonal changes going through your body, yet another thing to think about. At first I thought I was a hormonal mess and thought my brain was going to explode.

When the doctor talked to me about the treatment of this condition, I was very overwhelmed. I figured that I was living in a world where I created chaos, my mother (your grandmother) added to it and and I felt I never could get out of the pit of darkness.

He told me about medication, two pills, Lithium and Prozac that could make my mood a bit more stable, a clam I never knew. When I first took them I didn't realize the effect that it was happening to me. I didn't feel different. I still felt like screaming in my pillow at night and the lack of support from your grand mother was very apparent.

When I was in school one day, in Spanish class, (I was a few weeks into my new treatment and feeling a little better in my brain), another teen was chewing out the Spanish teacher for not really teaching us a proper Spanish instead of exploring our feelings. A few minutes into this he turns to me and says, 'This is the first time I have ever seen you smile'. I looked at him with astonishment. I was smiling? A few days later he told me that it was very weird to see me smile and at that point he was astonished that I was smiling with out cause.

As that day drew to a close I had a new found thing I thought I could never do. Smile just because.

While you are probably rolling your eyes and saying what does this have to do with me, I'll tell you that it may be genetic and a lot of work is being done, so there might be a pill to better suit your needs with out trial and error, horrid side effects and the feeling of failure that comes with the fact that you don't have to miss a dose of medication and not have to start a day, a week, a month later.

I love you,
Mommy (or Mother)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Review - Lighting-Fast Chinese for Kids and Families by Carolyn Woods

Learning a language can be tough, whether it be your second or third and in my case filth! With a full time job, two kids, and a husband to look after I though the possibilities of learning a language was remote. Only when my two year old was watching Ni-Hao Kai-lan on the television was it possible to engage her and my husband in another language. So when this book review opportunity came I really wanted to give it a shot.

Having the sayings from Kai-lan, the small amount of Chinese food words and random words I picked up from my husband, I was totally lost and overwhelmed to start learning one of the oldest languages in the world.

Taken from Amazon.com
The book Lighting-Fast Chinese for Kids and Families by Carolyn Woods makes it easy. She creates prompts and guides in the 60 pages (in paper back or on the Kindle) that made it easy for me to ask my two year old basic questions in real life situations like getting dressed, going to the Zoo, and going to the store. How easy is that? Immersion is one of the best ways to learn a new language and by taking this book with us as we went walking to see the shī zi (lions), lǎo hǔ (tigers) and the xióng (bears) at the Zoo made it more interesting because we were having fun learning Chinese. And that is when real learning takes place.

A small video I made to show you how fun and easy the lesson are!


More by Carolyn Woods
Lightning-fast Spanish For Kids and Families 
 Lightning-fast Spanish Vocabulary Building Crossword Puzzles 
Lightning-fast French For Kids and Families
Lightning-fast German For Kids and Families
Lightning-fast Italian For Kids and Families
Make Money From Home With A Children’s eBay Business
And just published 
Lightning-fast Japanese For Kids and Families


There are only 2 cons I could see about the book. One was the lack of clarity of what dialect I was about to learn. In China there are two main branches Mandarin and Cantonese, then there are the smaller regional subsets. I had to ask my husband, who has a few years of the language, tell me it was Mandarin. The second was the word Pinyin, not until the end of the book is it defined, in the book, {as} the Chinese phonetic language, rather than characters. I would have liked to see that in the beginning as I thought it was the actual dialect of Chinese! 

I give this book 4 out of 5 stars (Amazon Rating system), because of the ease of use that my family enjoyed learning from the book, but lost a star because of the confusion of the dialect and definition as I pointed out above.


Please Note: I was given a copy of the book to review ($14.99 value), however was not told in any way how to write or do a video for the author or received anything other than the copy mentioned above to influence my review.