A Manic Mind

2012-02-15T16:32:00.001-08:00

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- Posted using My own words... Well most of them

Happy 2 months of life Baby Grace

2012-02-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

Two months and a day ago, I thought I would not be able to love two girls.

Grace a few hours old

You proved me wrong.

I love you and your sister, (though trying as both of you maybe) with a love that can not be expressed in words.

You have survived the kissing and hugging and patting from Bella.

You have survived mommy's melt downs with and with out medication. Mommy is the one that's in need of medication.

You have survived another milestone in your small short life.

Grace at 1 month

You are teaching me another lesson in slowing down and taking one step at a time and to remember to breath.

You are letting me experience the joy of motherhood a second time and seeing life through your brand new eyes.

This time I am a bit more relaxed.

This time I don't feel the pressure of trying to have the perfect anything and everything.

This time I know when you look into my eyes, I know what you are thinking... well some of the time.

This time I can do what's right for me and not feel like I am going to hurt you.

All I want to do is love and hold you.

Thank you baby Grace.

Grace at 2 months old

Traveling with family this weekend

2012-02-08T22:37:00.000-08:00

Friday I go on a thousand mile adventure to the great Northwest and back. I am looking forward to the time away from my residence, however I am not looking forward to the mode of transportation that my husband suggested we take. In either the RAV4 or the Cube. Yup traveling by CAR.

We get to have a two month old, a two and a half year old in back, while my husband and I rotate the driving towards our destination up north for 11 hrs. 6 hours to the hotel where we spend the night and another 4.5-5 hrs to the final destination. Portland OR.

I would prefer a 2 hr flight, rather than listening to my two month old cry for a half an hour on the freeway because we get stuck in traffic. The TSA agent pat down to my toddler ask "what that?" or "we going that way?" six times too many and can't take a pill to lessen the stress because it makes me drowsy and can't drive. The feeling that I am on vacation using some rental car rather than my own knowing the mileage will count against me when the car insurance renews. Maybe I am hyping this up in my head. Then again maybe not. We will see come Friday.

Review of Sew Curly Creations - A Pink Blankey for Grace

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

I love to follow Mom-businesses on twitter. I don't remember when I started to follow Sew Curly Creations on twitter (@SewCurlyK) but I think it was due to something she said about her three little girls that made me want to follow her. Also being a entrepreneur of hand crafted items I could learn from her as well.

One day she posted that she needed some test babies for her new blanket idea she had in December. Since I was due in a week I thought maybe I could help her out. Even if my new born didn't get the chance to test drive the item I would still know I tried and maybe the next time.

There were several people that wanted to test the blanket out and Grace and I were chosen. She asked me what the baby's name would be and I stated I didn't know until the birth. She said when the baby was born just let her know and she would work on the blanket. A week later Grace came in this world and I told her when I was able. And started the look out for the blanket.

Snug in the blanket.

When the blanket got to my house it was nicely wrapped in tissue paper and had a few business cards of hers tucked inside. I inspected the embroidery and it was nicely done. It didn't have the huge sheet of backing that I find in other embroidered items and I really dislike because I have to throw the excess away because it falls off in the wash and gets other clothes dirty.

The blanket edging is nicely done. Instead of the pointed edging, its squared and is a little heavier than the blanket, which is nice because it gives it a little weight so it won't blow away. There are a few rough spots, however it shows that it was hand made and not done in a factory.

The material for the blanket is a soft pile that is cushy, the only draw back to it is that it does cover the nice work of the embroidered name. If it was done on the shorter side of the fabric, I think the name would stand out more. However the name is still visible and in very nice script.

When my Mother-in-law saw it she said it was very beautiful asked me where I got it, and at the same time my daughter who is two and a half asked where her blanket was and proceeded to get a possessive of the blanket until I explained that this was Grace's special blanket and she had her own.

In the weeks following the arrival, it has been washed several times because of the regular happenings of the baby and has been dropped on the ground by accident as well. My major fear in the beginning was washing it and the color of the blanket bleed into the white of the words. As one wash led to two, not only did the letters stay white, the rest of the wash (I don't separate my whites from my brights) stayed their same color as well.

I am very happy with the quality and how it keeps my daughter warm. I wish this would have been a colder winter as she does run a little warm during the days, however it does help at night when we are coming back in the cold and the few blankets we have are a bit too warm for her right now. And just recently I took it to Grace's first Yoga class and used the blanket and a couple of moms said that they liked the blanket and wanted to know where it came from.

My rating would be 3.5 out of 4 stars - As I stated there are a few things that are small like the one end of the blanket and the nice embroidery covered by the material. As this is a test run to see how things are in the real world for her design and it keeps my daughter warm, I can honestly say I think this blanket is going to be with us for a very long time as Grace's comfort blanket.

My cat kneading the blanket.

He stayed and slept on it next to Grace.

Please note: I was not paid for this review nor the rating I gave. I did get the blanket for free and was not told to write a review in exchange.

Yoga for the baby, Yoga for the Mommy @ A Body of Work

2012-02-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

I am on maternity leave and have really nothing to do till I go back to work. Ok, be a Stay At Home Mom for a little bit, go to MD appointments for me and Grace, and of course be home to welcome Bella home from day care. Besides that I have nothing to do with Grace.

So, it took two and a half years, I finally joined the Golden Gate Mothers Group. As you can gather from the name, its local San Francisco mothers group that has a lot of moms trying to find some activities for their little ones during the day. Since I am one of those moms right now I wanted to have some fun with Grace while the Summer... I mean Winter weather was good. So my first foray into the realm of being a SAHM with a little one is Yoga. More specifically Baby Yoga from A Body of Work. http://www.abodyofwork-sf.com/php/index.php?v=home

The studio is by the Lucas Arts Studio in the Presidio by the Lombard gates. The studio itself is very nice, hardwood in the studios and the latest equipment (from what I saw). The instructor was very nice at the door as I walked in. She was very kind and told me where I could get mats and blankets. There are mats and extra blankets there so if you're like me and don't have a mat and they have plenty to spare. Because it was a GGMG day the instructor said there were more moms than usual so it made me want to come back to see what it was like in a typical class.

The instructor, when the class began, told us that the class was very flexible to the baby's needs and if we needed to feed, change a diaper or leave because the baby was over loaded that was totally fine.

Grace wasn't very fussy as some of the baby's there but wanted to be fed and was overloaded with new movements a few times. She liked looking at the baby next to her, a cute chubby 6 month old and something called "Roll-ly Poll-ly" where you hold both hands and feet with your hands and roll the baby side to side from ear to ear and the Dino walk (modified because there were so many moms), her in my arms, with my legs spread out shoulder with a part and bent. Then rock slowly to one side pointing that toe and very slowly going back to the bend and rocking to the other side and repeat on the other side.

She didn't like (right now) anything to do with movements of her limbs. The instuctor said that it might happen as being almost two months Grace might not be fully aware of the limbs yet, so we are going to practice at home.

We also did some baby massage as well. Grace didn't mind the massage of the legs, and again it was a little short because of the size of the group. however it was a good experience for Grace and I and like I said before I am going to go when its a "normal class" to see what the difference is.

(I was not paid for this review, I did this on my own accord)

I've been thinking

2012-01-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about sprucing up my blog. I've got one too many that I thought I could have the magic time to write in all of them and not drop the ball. Lately I have been doing a Project 366 Photo log on Tumblr. Its something I can do easy, with one hand as I have the other full of a squirmy 13 pound 7.5 week old. I feel weird when people ask me about my blog. I guess I have blog envy of other sites that look like they have been plucked out of a magazine with all the social media gadgets and such. I know I can get there just feel over whelmed by the number of better sites right now. I've wanted to do a re-boot in a very long time. I guess since 2009. So this year I am going to clean up and do things right! Stay tuned.

Grace's Birth Story

2011-12-19T10:24:00.001-08:00

A little background: I am a mother of a two and a half year old named Arabella, after an induced labor and 23 hrs to get me to a stage of pushing and 4 hrs trying to push her out. I ended up having an Emergency C-Section to have her on June 12, 2009. Then seven days later I was hospitalized for fluid in my lungs and a heart beat rate of 27 bpm (low I know).

With this pregnancy it was planed and thought of. We had just moved into a new house and just started to put Bella in her own room. In April of 2011 got a few positive pregnancy tests back and confirmed it with the MD's office. Estimated Due Date December 9, 2011. During the pregnancy I made it clear to myself and to my MD that I wanted a V-BAC (vaginal birth after Cesarian) or as the medical world calls it "Trial of Labor".

I also was not kidding myself as I knew if I went 41+ weeks again waiting for my body to spontaneously kick in I would be miserable, closer to Christmas and maybe ending up in the hospital for fluid in my lungs again. So I made my MD schedule a repeat C-Section for my due date, hoping that I go into labor before that happened.

36, 37, 38 weeks past and still no signs of labor. Braxton Hicks (false contractions) kept me up at night. At my 39th week appointment I knew if I didn't go into labor soon, I would go under the knife. I made peace with that. And so the date that would be the Estimated Due Date became the Birthday of the newest addition to our family.

On December 9, 2011 at about 7:45 am I get a call from Labor and Delivery saying that I was to come in at 6 am that morning to be prepped and delivered by 9 am. I told them that my MD stated that I needed to show up at 11 am and no one called or sent me an email with other instructions. (the nurse at that point was huffy). She asked me if I could get there ASAP and I said I would try as my husband was dropping off our daughter at daycare. She asked if I had any food. I said no as I know not to eat or drink before any major surgery.

I contacted my SIL as she was going to be in the OR with me. Last time my husband opted out because he is not so good with blood especially loved ones in pain. I told her the update and then called my husband to tell him what was going on. It took another 20 minutes before we started driving to Kaiser San Francisco. I drove as it would be the last time in a while that I could be behind the wheel of any vehicle.

Finally made it at 9 am in the parking lot and started the walk up to the main hospital. I really wanted to go to Grace Cathedral to light a candle before the operation but made a note to do it after as thanks for a happy and healthy baby and delivery.

When i got to the 3rd floor, I rang the nurses station and told them i was the 9am surgery. The nurse asked another nurse "Are we expecting her?" and I was placed in the waiting room for 10 minutes. Then placed in room 6 for the show to start. After hooking up the IV's and cross checking every i and t; I was walking to the OR saying a small prayer for a smooth delivery and for me not to pass out.

View from the hospital room

After getting the spinal and listening to Christmas music on the radio that was over head; my SIL walked in and the surgery started. The pressure was horrid. I felt that they were trying to collapse a lung and for a few minutes I felt that I could not breath and was gasping for air. Also holding on to my SIL's hand for dear life. I think I was given something stronger for the C-section of my other daughter because I do not remember the pressure being that bad. I just remember shivering because I was cold and frightened. I couldn't tell how many minutes had passed or what was playing on the radio when the surgeon said do you want to see the gender? Of course I said yes, and as I looked up from the blue drape she stated its a GIRL! Waving the lower half of the baby over the drape.

And to be honest my heart sank a tad. I wanted a boy as this little one would be the last baby out of me. My husband and I right now can only afford two extra mouths to feed right now. I am thinking adoption in a few years. At least with adoption we can choose the gender. And I want a boy!

"I want to be put back in"

I with held the name from the nurses and my SIL because I felt my husband should know as well what name I had chosen for her. My SIL got to take pictures of her in the first moments of life unlike my first when I was alone. I also got to spend more time with her as SIL got to hold her for my inspection longer than I got to see Bella.

Meeting Grace for the first time

SIL and I after birth. (She's smiling under the mask)

After they patched me up I was crying of happiness and relief the surgery was over. I was glad and thankful that my SIL was able to be there and to cut the remainder of the cord that was not needed. I was glad that my husband got to hold her skin to skin in the recovery room and I was finally able to say her name. Grace Ellen.

Grace Ellen 10 fingers 10 toes

Grace is a family name from my step dad's side. Aunt Grace lived till she was 97 years old and also after Grace Cathedral is where me and my husband got married (one of the oldest churches in San Francisco; besides Mission Delores which is the oldest church in San Francisco). Later I found out that my husband's side had a Grace too. Ellen is after my mother, that was her middle name. She passed away in 2007 due to natural causes. I didn't have a great relationship with her, but from early on I thought it would work with Grace. Another choice was naming her was Grace Kelly; after the actress turned princess. However it was decided in my head that Grace Ellen would be a better choice since it was in my head the longest.

- Posted using My own words... Well some of them

#Wordless Wendesday Purrfect

2011-08-24T17:03:00.000-07:00

My three year old

#Wordless Wednesday Peachy

2011-08-17T15:21:00.001-07:00

- Posted using my own mind

Really? Is this a problem? Emails at work

2011-08-16T15:48:00.001-07:00

I work out side my home at a great job that pays for the bills, but some times when I get emails from my bosses; I ask myself why do they need to send that email?

Two examples are: "Great job on meeting/exceeding your daily minimums!" or "Thank you for staying on phones for the whole hour! You rock!!"

Then after I read the emails; I ask myself really is there a problem with not meeting the daily minimums or staying logged into an hour phone shift that my bosses need to send an email stating you were above the rest for that? I liken it to the choking warnings on labels on items that anyone with common sense knows that putting a small parted object next to a baby is wrong.

Don't get me wrong. I know those labels are needed by law, however on some times I say to myself "who did this to get it placed on the label?"

I guess having a work ethic is very low on the priority scale with other co-workers as my bosses have a need to send out these and other types of emails highlighting basic work skills that should be expected and not a chance to gain highlighted excellence from upper management.

I guess every job has the "Why did they send that email?" from Management once and a while however I feel like the job I have now does it a lot more often then the standard one or two per quarter.

- Posted using my own mind

#Blogher 2011 Day 2 Expo time

2011-08-08T19:04:00.001-07:00

"Say Cheese!"

That is what I said to my stunned daughter as we sat on the steps of the Playskool Sesame Street steps in the morning of day two of Blogher 2011. I think the life size representations of Cookie Monster and Elmo were a bit too much for my two year old however she did warm up to the booth a little after this was taken.

She was a sparkle at the Jimmy Dean booth where we both took the "No Kid Hungry Pledge" and there she warmed up to the camera while trying to take the prop apples with her.

After this picture we walked back outside to the arms of her daddy as he didn't have an Expo pass. He also had other obligations with family and friends that were looking forward to seeing Bella.

After that I braved the Expo alone with a few thousand of people swarming to different booths for different reasons.

- Posted using my own mind

#Blogher11 day 1

2011-08-05T22:18:00.001-07:00

As I sit in my hotel room bed with both my daughter and husband fast asleep, and me with pregnancy heart burn, I wonder how Blogher 2011has affected my life in just one day.

1. The conference is way cooler than E3 (even with the booth babes), however I still have yet to go to a party (that's for day 2!).
2. I find myself in a whole new league of motivation and being in my 3rd or 4th year of having this blog, I can still evolve to something better.
3. People that you follow on twitter are genuine and do actually match or exceed expectations in real life.
4. You get what you need from Blogher 2011. There is no experience more than your own and what you put into yourself after the fact.
5. Swag. Yes I went there. It's awesome to see my two year olds face light up after a long day with toys from Playskool and a Google+ shirt and snacks for a tired husband. Not to mention some Mommy items for myself! I will place those under Self Care so I feel no mommy guilt!

Now I should go to bed my heart burn has died down a bit and I have more Blogher to go to in the morning. I wish a good night to all!

- Posted using my own mind

Location:J St,San Diego,United States

#thought #thursday

2011-02-24T08:18:00.001-08:00

How do you save for the future? This has been a dilemma for me up until my mom passed away. Yes I wasn't too happy about what happened and suffered for many months about the death of my mother.

However she did provide me with a means to pay off debt that I had to pay off. I also paid for my wedding (at least half of it) and sock some away for the future. A down payment for a house. A rainy day fund for when I was kicked out needed the money for a place to live until I could figure things out. I used some of it recently for a down payment for a car. I need to repay that back.

Finally me and my husband bought our first home. We used my inheritance from my grand father, like my mother did when my great grand dad passed, to put the down payment on it and used some of the money that was left in the "house" fund towards it.

Now I want to save it for the future and put money back into it so that my daughter and any future little one would have a little savings for school or an around the world vacation when they reach 18 yrs old. It's one or the other we can't afford both just yet... (come on lotto!)

I guess my question is that how do people sock money away and still try and live life with out killing their spouse?

AVPH

#Manic Monday

2011-02-21T23:18:00.000-08:00

So tonight me and hubby had a fight about owing his mom and aunt money they put in for us to buy the new home. Hubby an I were under the impression that it was going to be returned to us sometime in the next few weeks. Turns out it wasn't. So my hubby is stressing out. I had a previous talk with his mom and she stated that when we get some extra cash then it would be ok to pay them back I said that when we get the tax return for 2010 we would pay them back ASAP. I guess hubby wasn't told about the update and he wanted to use what was in savings. I said no because that was Bella's, also the rainy day fund in case of desperate emergencies. I felt that this was not a time to use it. And I told him no. He blew up at me and told me all sorts of things that I felt that I was getting attacked and that he was not listening to me. So I walked out of the car (we were parked at the time) and preceded to walk home. He came after me yelling. Saying that I didn't love him because I didn't say it back. I didn't say it back because I didn't feel like this was about love it was about money. In my view money and love do not mix. We finally resolved the issue but it left a bad taste in my mouth because it felt that if it was a loan from my dad it would be my issue and not his problem. I also felt that h

#Manic Monday - My New House

2010-11-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

I think the best way to start is that I don't have a house (working on getting one though). I doubt it will be in the best condition, a real fixer-upper. However, I have dreamed about getting one for so long. Here is a wish list of what I would like (under $400,000.00):

1. at most 5 bedrooms (two can be used for office or a playroom/office)

2. at most 5.5 bathrooms. (half bath for the living space)

3. at least one acer of land that the house sits on.

4. Woods for a fence (all natural)

5. a master suite that has no carpet or cat box in it

6. SPACE!

Even though I probably would only get one third of everything thing that I wish for, I still would like the chance to have it all. I do know that at the moment, apartment life is cramping our style and would like not to be paying any one's rent besides my own

Being depressed

2010-10-10T18:13:00.000-07:00

I am sorry for the few who read this blog that I have been a ghost. I have been in kind of a slump for a few weeks. It starts with a day; then two and now its coming more and more frequent.

I guess because of the slow weaning of my daughter. This past month I got AF again. I should be happy. Getting rid of the junk in side to make new stuff for a new life. This is what I wanted right?

The past few weeks, I felt that I have a been slipping into the could have, would have, should haves. I should be pregnant, should have a second room for Bella. Could have bought a house in a new state and not waiting for my husband to be ready to quit his job and start a new. Could be in a different place with different people. I guess you can move, but you take yourself with you and your troubles. I would have felt differently if I didn't lose the only thing I had to comfort myself for 20+ yrs. I know I'm outing myself as one of those people, but it has helped me when I was stressed, helped me cope with loss and feelings of depression. And now I think of it being in a trash heap some where and I lose 10-15 minutes of sleep each and every night.

Call me a fool, call me what you will but I am in the mist of being in a depression that might last a few more months with or with out meds.

#Wordless #Wednesday ~ Ode to Blueberries

2010-08-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

Bella's first taste of Blueberries (Part 1 of 16 + video)

#Foodie Friday ~ Big Mouth Burger

2010-08-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

-Big Mouth Burger is not paying for this review-

Now that I got a little bit of discloser here is the review.

In the upper Mission district in San Francisco lets say 24th St and Valencia, a few years back, a small restaurant opened that I didn't think much of because of the name Big Mouth Burger. It was next to a falafel shop and I thought the two were connected so I really didn't pay much attention. It wasn't until I was really hungry and was sick and tired of the Chinese food and doughnuts (yes this does exist) on 24th St and Mission, that I decided to take a chance and eat there.

The worst thing I could get was a bad tummy-ache and not go there any more. What I entered was a relationship that lasted to this very day with my whole family.

The place is a small hole in the wall, yes, there aren't that many tables and there is a small window bar that uses the last space to the utmost without feeling to packed in. Most regulars know to get the food to go because the tables are a fair wait and the medium trays that they serve the food on takes up any elbow room on the tables. But well worth it on some occasions. Large groups can take up more than 2-3 tables, so take it from this regular, take it to go and sit out in the sun!

The Food:

Unlike its name the Big Mouth Burger isn't too big. They give you a knife if you want to cut in half and save it for later. The choices are very custom made and they have a wide selection. Though the chalk board with the selections looks small, you can customize the burger any way for at most $2 dollars more per item. The ice-cream is a local favorite - Mitchell's - which is a San Francisco original, like this shop. Besides the standard thick cut fries; the coleslaw, Baked Beans (no pork added for flavor) are made at the store and they have now added the Sweet Potato fries to the menu for $1 add to the meal!

They have other items on the menu like a Salmon Burger, Garden Burger, Turkey Burger, Cheese Steaks and Salads.

The restaurant has a kids menu that is also customizable for any picky eater and they do just sides of something, which came in handy when we were first introducing solids to Bella! Avocado $.95 and a good portion too!

The People:

The people that work there are very friendly and they know a regulars face. The owner especially goes out of his way to make you feel like you are at his house and not at a McDonalds. When I started going there regularly he made sure that a table was cleaned if one is available and if he wasn't busy clean it himself!

Alas, I moved away and only got to go to Big Mouth when I was in the City, until late last year when to my delight and the grumble in my tummy, a Big Mouth opened in the shopping complex near my work! Turns out the owner lives near and decided to open a Big Mouth right in his neighborhood!

Since then me, my husband and Bella have eaten there at least once or twice a week. Each time we find something new to eat and a sports game on the tv!

Here is the San Francisco Local. Two short blocks from the 24th St and Mission BART Station.

View Larger Map

Here is the one near my near my work.

View Larger Map

#Wordless Wednesday ~ a start

2010-08-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

My cats Puma (grey) Bindi (black)

My Hubby

My Bella

These are the people in my world.

Next week the start of a series I call ode to Blueberries!

#Travel Tuesdays- San Francisco Parks

2010-08-10T03:45:00.000-07:00

These first Travel Tuesday's are going to be about parks that me, my husband and my daughter happen to find on the weekends in and around San Francisco CA. We know them either by driving around and just finding them hidden or just because they are around local to hang outs we usually go out to lunch and the need for Bella to get some fresh air!

The first park is Walter Haas Playground in the Hills of San Francisco.

(This is the view from the toddler swings!!)

This park hosts a wonderful view of downtown San Francisco (as seen above). It is seconds away from a SFFD station which is awesome for those structure related accidents that happen. Plenty of street parking, a bus stop and walking distance (a mile or two) to a grocery store.

(Bella enjoying the swing and the view! Structures in the background)

There are 4 baby (toddler) swings, two adult swings and a tire swing (in great condition). We went on a Sunday so I do not know what the weekday traffic flow is like, but that day there were very few families around. That made Bella happy. More swing time for her.

There is a basketball court and plenty of grass to run around in, three stone tables in the play area to have a lunch or a family snack.

The structures are fun even for an adult. My husband liked the posts that were all different lengths. Bella loved the toddler structure and went on the slide a few dozen times. She liked the steps and was hesitant around the wooden bridge that had a bit of a grade to it.

(Toddler play structure)

The drawbacks: There were posting of Coyote sightings at the water fountains. Props to the Parks and Rec department, but I can see where it can scare people away even in the daylight. While we were there no Coyotes and since the SFFD station was just up the hill, the chances of an attack are very slim.

The second drawback was the sand pit. As we looked at it, a little kid had to jump in the pit and ask for help out of it. I think it used to be much higher but as my husband stated "It went away with the little kids in their shoes". Even though the sand pit has a sand funnel, it is way too high for little ones to play with. Also it had twigs and rocks from the surrounding area and was not something we would let Bella play in until she's a bit older. Or they clean it up and put more sand in it.

In summary:

Walter Haas Playground has great views and great playground equipment. The drawbacks are the Coyotes, sand pit and even the location with public transportation.

View Larger Map

#New Format!!

2010-08-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hi!

I know this is less read than other blogs but I would like to introduce a new format I will be working on to make this blog a well rounded, less neglected space on the net!

On Manic Monday's I will post reviews, comments about life and what happened on the weekend if nothing else is on my mind.

Every other Tuesday I am going to write about Travel. With or with out my husband and daughter. Also give advice about travel in San Francisco, my home city. The local scoop.

Of course I am going to follow every one on Wednesday's with a Wordless Wednesday. It may not be pictures of the family and all pink hearts and flowers, but it will be PG I promise!

Friday's are Foodie Friday's. I will be reviewing Restaurants in the Bay Area and beyond. Also will be reviewing products related to foods, recipe sharing and life with a not so picky toddler! It's not my fault that she hearts Brussel Sprouts!

Yes she ate some and not a staged photo! And she eats broccoli too!

My other blogs to keep tabs on is Bella's Blog- about my baby girl's life -http://www.achunterson.blogspot.com and my new Cloth Diaper Store blog Cloth N Pins - http://www.clothnpins.blogspot.com . Please check them out as well because they are good reads as well!

~Amanda

#GlueDots Family Bonding!

2010-07-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

Glue Dots, what can I say? Its an awesome product. I was able to finish my baby girl's baby book after a year and a few weeks of dragging my feet. I didn't like the project because of all the placements of photographs and the time to get the tabs on the pictures correct. I am an avid scrap-booker and LOVE to play around with different glues and items that make my life a lot easier. The thing is I don't have a lot of space. My "scrapbook" table is an area the size of a large Tupperware container and I as I said my baby turned 1 year old this past June, so she is mobile with a vengeance!

The glue dots helped a lot, not only were they contained in the brightly colored labeled containers, they were fast and easy to put on the pictures. My favorite Glue Dot Product was the "Removable" Glue Dots. It helped a lot when I couldn't decide where a picture would go and then placed it on a page and deiced that I didn't want that picture next to another picture.

I love the packets of Glue Dots as well. Each one was individually marked on the back and I didn't have to guess which was the Mini dots and which were the removable. Glad to say I used almost every dot.

The only down side, yes there is a down side, is that they are a tad stretchy. Which means if you use the roller (which I did a lot) the dots tended to be a bit sticky on the adhesive roller and a few dots either stayed on the roller or came off in a longer dot then usual. But, you can't have a perfect product review with out at least one down side now can you?

Needless to say I enjoyed having the roller of Dots because I could have it around my baby with out her trying to stick small things in her mouth (I kept the paper sheets out of reach, until nap time) and my cats enjoyed playing with the empty cartridges (under my supervision of course!).

Here is a video describing my Dots adventure. It was the start of my Dots adventure in Summer Bonding,so its a tad rough, so relax enjoy and hit play!

Bee-Bo hurts

2010-06-16T18:51:00.001-07:00

Bee-Bo means belly button to all non readers of S. Boynton books. So here is my story.

I had gallbladder surgery yesterday. The second surgery I have had in my life. First was a c-section with Bella. The second surgery in a little more than 1 yr time span.

So the right side of my tummy feels very sore and my belly button hurts. The band-aide is full of blood but not leaked or gushed out but I can't take it off till Friday.

Bee-bo please stop hurting!

Ah-goo

Winter's Passage - A Novelette Review

2010-06-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

The Novelette "Winters Passage" by Julie Kagawa, published by Harlequin TEEN.

First impressions of any book are key to me. First off its by Harlequin TEEN which I haven't read, to be honest, many books from that division of Halrequin, but I have read some from the main Harlequin publisher and they have entranced my memory for days after and this one will do the same. Second after reading her bio it turns out she's a California native with Bay Area roots and Hawaiian highlights.

Get on with the review you say! Here it is:

For a Novelette it is a great little bridge between the Iron King and the new book that is coming out the Iron Daughter. I never read the first book but this 60 page novelette has made me want to get the first book and pre order the next (coming out in August).

I really enjoyed the pace of this book. For 60 pages it never once took a turn for the boring. Some short stories I've read felt like it was going on for ever and the author should have ended the scene 2 pages back. I like the use of detail when needed. The author seems to be aware that setting the scene is important but does not over do the statement that she is trying to get across. As this excerpt states:

The forest thinned, and jagged cliffs rose up on either
side of us, sparkling in the sun. Huge blue and green
crystals jutted out from the sides, sending fractured prisms
of light over the snow.

Then goes back in to the story of the monologue as you are reading some one's thoughts and not just another book that has over detail and not enough action.

I also liked the fact that the author brought depth to characters that were background characters and not just put there as to be set up persons and brushed aside after the main characters left. I kept wondering about the evil that lurked in the bar after the two main characters left. And I wondered if another of the background characters was able to get her child whole for that night or was it just a dream that she had.

It is also nice that it was short and fast. As a mom of an almost 1 year old it is hard to squeeze in time to read let alone do this review. So an hour really does count. She packs so much into it that I had to re-read it just to make sure that I got all the little details that I might have missed at 4 in the morning when I wake up to start my day.

I give the novelette a big recommendation and now through July 31 it is free on the Enter Fairy World website and there you can also read the first 3 chapters of the Iron King which begins the epic journey of Meghan Chase and her journey into the Fey.

Emergency Exits and #ppd

2010-06-04T21:30:00.001-07:00

What do you think of when I say Emergency Exit? The sign above the door at work, resturant or in an airplane? You see them every where when you are out and about. But what about your own enviroment?

I am talking about your house and your very own mind.

I have had times when I was depressed, before my bout with PPD (that started when I was going back to work), that my mind felt like a big block of stone with SO many thoughts that it hurt and the only way to end the pressure was to end my missery by doing something irraversable. After banging my head (really true) a few times to the point of pain and wallowing in self pitty for a few days, I would get a bit better and venture off into the world again.

Now it's different reason my baby girl. I can't show that to my daughter or she would start thinking it's normal and do that infrount of people like my MIL, which she might take her away forever and that would make me very depressed!

Any way. Back to the subject at hand. After PPD medication that made me wacked out of my mind. Taking meds that make u sleepy with a 0 month old needing to eat every 2-3 hrs plus when she'd nap it was in my arms or in the car equaled one stressed out, strung out new mom! It was only after 3 weeks did I take myself off of them that I was starting to see clearer.

I realized that most of my depression at home steamed from not being moble (see www.a-baby-bump.blogspot.com Feb-March '09 entrys for more info). I had no car so I stayed home and felt trapped. And the only respit was after my hubby came home after work and drove me places. On a few occasions I rented a car but that didn't last but the weekends. So there I was with a crying 0 then 1 then 2 month old and no where to go praying that she'd go to sleep in her crib and that 6 pm would come and hubby could play with baby while I hide and try to get a moment to take a shower.

Around the 2.5 months in to what I thought as a prison sentince, my husband said "I am carpooling so the car maybe yours for a day or so." I about jumped to the moon!

The next 3 weeks were fun. Even with a car that wasn't mine I enjoyed it. Even if I did not go anywhere that week it was a joy just to know I had it.

Here is my top 5 look back/ 20-20 hind sight; wish I thought about it emergency exit plan that might be too late for me but not for you!

1) get a baby sitter. I can hear the comments. I stay in the home 24/7 right now and it's ok, I guess....

Even if you are a stay at home mom, you need some space to do somethings around the home or outside the home alone. I promise you can have your child near but still have no worries about having to keep a 2 month old entertained for hours when you feel the need to clean.

2) go to a support group of like indiviuals. Where it be Breastfeeding, the local gymbore class or a walking group that you do by yourself (ok you can take your baby too). But just to have people in your situation so you don't feel isolated and alone (been there; done that).

I just resently went to the Breastfeeding support group that the lactation consultants at my hospital wanted me to go to a week after baby was born and boy did I miss out on some good advice!

3) talk to your "other" tell them what you need and not what you wish for. If you don't have an "other" then whom ever you tag team with to get you through the day. The saying "It takes a village to raise a kid" was not lying! Communication golden (in my case Platinum) for a run down mommy. Don't hint!! Start saying "I need _____________ done, please."

4) get off the couch and move. Staring at the four walls in the morning, another set in the afternoon and a third set before you close your eyes bites!

Like I said before I was depressed because I was not moble, I did not get my state disablity untill I went back to work so I didn't go out because I dis not want to spend money. I just needed to get out just to see the world beyond my windows.

5) me time. I think we all need to work on this but if you look at the number 1,2,3 and 4 reasons it's best to have that time. Even if you hire a sitter have them come to your house and you take a bouble bath in the middle of the day or get that pedicure you so want to feel human again. And you go to a class to make your self a better mom and communicate with the people around you and move to that ideal weight.

Please feel free to ask any question you have about anything!

I really need a personal assistant

2010-05-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

As a mommy, full time worker, full time wife, I need an 24 hr personal assistant that is willing to work for less than free (can I say Intern?). Here are the qualities I am looking for:

1. Pay rate is what ever you can find on the floor (Not Joking)
2. Great with Kids (I have one)
3. Kick A$$ photographer (document every waking moment of said kid and then upload them to the blog so people can see the progression of my baby girl turn into a toddler and of me with her)
4. Loves domestic work! (not going to lie about the state of my home)
5. Graphic designer (so I can have you update the blogs and be top on the Mommy sites)
6. Loves cats (I have two of them)
7. Interested in the experience of what this job brings (see #1 about pay rate)
8. Generally cares about the things I say, no tweeting behind my back.
9. Must love gummie things!

If you meet all the qualifications and not worried about the money, just write in the comment section about why you would make a great personal assistant and I'll hire you after a background check.

Wish this could be true but no one reads so I'll go back to my life as a full time mom, wife and slave to the 9-5 work week..

Contest After Breastfeeding

2010-03-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

I have little over 3 months before I start to wean Bella off the boobs and myself from pumping 100% to 50% to 0% by July 1, 2010.

In a way I am happy that I have stuck with something this long and had a personal goal that was hard and if I really wanted to in the start give up when the going got TOUGH! And it has been tough enough to quite many times and that was in the first week!

Here is my plan on or just after July 1, I am going to start my medication again, but I don't want to be a stick in the mud person as I am right now. I want to be a live and for at least 6 months (ttc'ing possible after that for #2); my body is not some one elses it's mine!

Here are a few things I want to do:

1. Drink a pint of guiness (or two)

2. Work an extra 5 hrs or more if they allow OT (I need to pay off some debt)

3. Have Friday night date night with Hubby. Leave Bella with Auntie and enjoy life as two people in love.

4. Be more active with a gym get my self into shape, flatten the tummy a bit! And gear up for number 2!

5. Buy new clothes that are more biz casual than what I have now as well to donate my gently used clothing items to a women's and child's org as well as Bella's clothes!

6. Get my blog updated with nifty buttons basically a face-lift! Maybe a Square Space account but I would like graphics that fit me and my blog instead of what it is now. Total blog envy for other ppl's sites! If you know or are some one that can help please tweet me @AVPH (I have -three- that I would like help with)

And a few suggestions from other moms out there that would like to live vicariously through me for the day. I do have allergies to Milk so unfortuately I can't do any dairy requests but anything other foods go for it!

Here is the deal, please suggest things that you would like to do if you were not breastfeeding. Complete the following sentence:

"If I wasn't breastfeeding right now I would love to do ________." And the reason why. Also your baby's date of birth.

I want to give a way two handmade tag blankies (pictures soon) made by me and my husband, to the two top suggestions that are left in my comment section along with some breastfeeding support itmes. A third mom would be randomly chosen by my hubby and win some awsome breastfeeding support items (more detail later) and of course I would do the suggestion as well.

Please make suggestions that are not too big and expensive, Working mom with a budget here! I will blog the day after and show photographic proof that it was completed.

Details of give-a-way:
1) Must be a BFing Mama of a 0-10 month old at the time of this contest and Exclusivly Breast Feed (Pumping during work hours OK!)

2) Must live in the USA or Canada shipping via UPS

3) If you have Twitter please tweet @AVPH (me!!) that you commented also with #bfing #AVPH and if u like what I write follow me at @AVPH and I will follow you!

Deadline will be May 30, 2010 for all comments

Voting will begin on June 1, 2010 and will end on June 12, 2010, my babies 1 yr birthday!

Birth of a Mom part duex

2010-03-03T05:29:00.000-08:00

And maybe I would feel a bond with him/her. To tell you the truth I didn't want a Daughter.

I honestly did not want a baby girl to save my life. I know that it sounds mean and hurtful and you are thinking, "Mom, you have a baby girl aren't you in love with her and everything?". Yes, I do have a baby girl and yes I love her to the point of no return. It's just when three generations of women give abuse to the next I still am scared that I will be just the same and will turn on her the same as her grandma (my mother) did to me and going back a few generations.

So what I hoped for was a boy, I really thought it was a boy for the longest time untill the day of my BIG ultra sound and peaked at the lab tech's It's a ....... Comment. Didn't actually read it just scaned to see how many letters after that they were and there were too many to be a boy. And it was that. I decided that I would still love my baby but a fourth generation would not have the same fate as the ones before her. If it was a girl, there still might be a chance, that slim fading chance it wasn't and the tech person was wrong. But as the days got closer and closer I knew my mommy-tuition was wrong about the gender and I had to make it up to the little person that was growing in side of me.

In memory of a grand-dad

2010-02-15T21:47:00.001-08:00

93 years young. He was my greatest joy and always made me smile. He didn't want fame or fortune. All he wanted was to be loved and give it!

I miss you grand pa!

Donald Peterson 1917-2010

I hope you enjoy being held by your mother for the first time and feel warm and safe in her arms! Say hi to my mom, Bernie and Grandma. I hope all have peace now and happiness! I love you all!

Birth of a Mom

2010-02-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

Every one writes the Birth story for little one's and they are informative and very baby directive. This post is about the birth of my new persona in life the title Mom, MA-MA, mother, madre, okasan just to name a few of the many names for the title but when does it hit home?

I started to think about this before I was pregnant with my daughter. Does giving birth to a baby automatically give you the title? Or does it occur when your child looks at you and says the magical words MAMA! I didn't know because my mother wasn't the best roll model and I don't think her mother was either. But they respected the title of mother and when so when I was born I called my mother mom as well but as I got older and more aware that she wasn't like the other mom's that I knew at least for the hour or so that I was in their care, she wasn't like that. So I called her by her first name most of the time. It made her mad and said to call her Mom over and over again

When I was pregnant I didn't know if I'd ever be known as mom. I didn't feel like my life would need that title, as I didn't have a very good role model and she didn't have a very good role model herself as well. I kept telling myself I was going to have some one to take care of (to be continued)

One Year ago Feb. 4th

2010-02-03T15:48:00.000-08:00

One year ago on February 4th, 2009, I was getting over a cold, had been out sick from work for 3 days, and I was 22 weeks pregnant (see link in title for more details). I had just got off of work, driving home and waiting for a car to turn left in front of me, then out of nowhere a car rear ends me and I am for ever changed. Well, my back was hurting and a worry that I might not carry,(at the time) the unborn baby, to 24 weeks let alone the full 37 weeks. That seemed very far away that day.

Its pretty scary to be thinking that some average day can turn into one of the defining moments in a life, even if its not yours, of your unborn child. That day I feared more for the one that wasn't born that had no clue what was going on, then myself. The knowledge if there was something wrong and it had to be born that day, its chances of survival weren't very good until two weeks later. And that was a big if it could survive at that point as well.

I remember everything that went on that day, but I think the best part was to feel my baby move and kick from the long time that I was strapped to a board (see picture above). My husband was there (the 5th is his birthday) and I had him record the heartbeat off of the fetal monitor for a Valentines idea I had that I sent to most of the grandparents (I owe one to a grandma). We were going to get the Heartbeat the next day because I all ready had a routine appointment to see my OB-GYN, but this just speed up what we were going to do anyway. Here is what we did: we got a few record your own voice Valentines day cards from the Hallmark store (I heart that store), placed the recording of the heartbeat and a note to the grandparents hinting about what the sound was that they were listening to (I need to get that from my dad because I don't know where I put the file and I want to have that again.).

The next week from the accident I was in pain and couldn't get off of work until I saw the doctor which I did the next Friday, Feb, 16th, and from then on it was a blur of Motrin and Tylenol. The last picture above is from my car, It doesn't look so smashed but the trunk area had a large crumple that totaled the car and I have been with out one for almost a year. I do have the VW Bug, but that is another story that I will get in to later.

I can not beleive

2010-01-11T10:21:00.000-08:00

That 7 months ago it was late spring, I was in the hospital with a very over due baby in my tummy and hoping that I would be able to push it out. I didn't know if it was a boy or girl but it was coming out one way or the other. And a bit more than 24 hrs later a baby girl was born.

Now it's mid-winter a day before she turns 7 months and I can not beleive that she is thriving and very head strong and coping most things I do. I swear she says "Mum!" when protesting going to sleep. She hasn't crawled or taken her first step but is very active with toys. She loves to see my face, it lights up every time she sees me from waking from a nap, or just looking around to see if comfort is near.

Sewing Machines

2010-01-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

So Hubby wants a Brother Sewing Machine or a Singer Sewing Machine. I say its all good if can make things for me on etsy! I know that I am to make it but if he's out of a job and I still have one, he should be making money for the family right? Also if its for the household why not? I also would make things but he likes sewing machines. I like knitting.

Sleep Training Day ??

2010-01-02T08:44:00.001-08:00

Well, I got to say I think it is day 6 of the sleep in her own crib day and its working like a charm. Just until I go in bed and she cries for me and like any mom I pick her up and go back into bed with her by my side. This time it was around 11 pm (I think) because we were out a little late celebrating the New Year with MIL.

I had actually put her in her pj's before hand so that if needed we could put her directly into bed with only a diaper change. We got home after dinner and I fed her one last time and Hubby changed her and 2 minutes of cranky protest and nothing. I think this was around 8:30pm.

I think I need to sleep out in the living room to get a great night sleep. Maybe I'll try that tonight since it is Saturday and all.

A New Year

2010-01-01T15:00:00.001-08:00

With each new year becomes a new directive to make your self better. This year for me is another year to where goals are set and then half way the year realize things are shot to heck and then re-establish a set of goals for the next half.

This year will again be no different.

Sleep Training mid-update day 4

2009-12-29T21:17:00.001-08:00

Well we didn't eat the cereal, but we did take a small nap between the hours of 4-6pm. So I thought it best if we pushed her bed time a little bit further because of the 2 hr nap but as it is we are going as planed. I think the co-sleeping is good for short amounts of time and for the first 6 months of life. I don't have any hang ups on it. I think if I was in a better bed and my back was a bit stronger, I would do it more often but since its not and we don't have a better mattress right now I would have to say that we are good for 6 months. I also think because the crib is literally right next to the bed (only a half a step away) not in another room, its like she is co-sleeping with us.

I would in a heart beat put her in our bed again if there was any issues with her, cold, flu or just wanting to be near Mommy and Daddy, but as it is right now, she needed to go to sleep for her happiness a lot earlier and for the past few days, she has been waking up happy and refreshed. And for me, that's all that counts. Now I have to figure out a way to go to sleep with out her smelling me and we're all good!

Sleep Training update and Day 4

2009-12-29T04:46:00.001-08:00

Update - We started a new, yet old bedtime song and dance. Since I do get home first we played and had some bare butt time (we have our house at 70 Degrees so there is no chill in the air for her). After that we transitioned to the bath and got dressed for bed. This was all before 6 pm PST! Then the rice cereal, it was much better as I am learning that play is the best part of food time for her. She actually ate some of the food, though there was 75% of the Ounce of rice and Breast Milk still left but its a very good start for a baby that hasn't had too much interest in eating solids. By then hubby came home and he played with her for a small (30 minutes) and at the first signs of eye rubs, we all went into the bedroom and read two books. It was 7:30 pm when she went down.

Hubby put Baby to sleep last night. He said it was heart breaking to see her try and sit up for him to pick her up when he said good night to her. It only took about 15 minutes for the crying to stop. We don't have a video monitor so I couldn't see what was going on in the bedroom. I came to sleep about 9 pm and felt my baby attached to the side of the bumpers (yes we have bumpers). So I pried her hands a way and tried to turn her towards the center again, but she woke up. I tried to ride it out, but because I just pumped, I think she smelled milk and wanted a snack. So I gave in again. And put her in the bed and we both feel asleep.

This morning I placed her back in the crib, so I can pump, and hopefully she stays sleeping for another hr.

Today is day 4 so hopefully it goes as smoothly as day 3 and keeps getting better.

sleep training update and day 3

2009-12-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

Last night #2 after DD ate her rice ceral, brushed her teething buds (3 of them) and some more Milk, I found her closing her eyes at the boob and decided it was time to put her down 7pm PST or 10 pm EST. After CIO for a half an hr in which we stayed by the door just in case. She went to sleep. Fast forward 2 hrs I am ready to go to bed, I look upon my sleeping child and she is sleeping on her belly, so I move her face up and then she starts to cry again. I wait for a few minutes but decide to place her on the boob and in our bed because she was a good girl and I need the sleep! Fast forward to 4:15 am this morning and I wake up to pump before working. I place her in the crib and do what I need to do before work. She's crying by 5:30 AM. I need to go to work and hubby is care giver if she wakes up by this time. He let's her CIO for a few mintues and I go to work. I am told she slept for another 45 minutes and started the day happy. Which is all that counts to me.

Tonight is going to be the same. Hopefully I can keep her in her bed the whole night, baby steps. Though I am thinking about pumping one more time so I can keep up my supply. Her going to bed early is good but supply will tank.

Sleep Training Day 2

2009-12-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

I am trying to have my 6 month old sleep by herself in the crib right next to our bed. From about 3 weeks she usually spent one or two nights in our bed the rest of the time in the co-sleeper we had for her. Then I went to work and decided that it might be best to have her sleep with us because I exclusively breast feed her that it would be easy to "snack" in the middle of the night with out getting up. Three months down the road, my back and hips hurt, my baby is dependent on me to go to sleep and any time I try to move her to her crib (which we got at 5 months old) she start to fuss and I'd cave and move her back in bed. I'd wake up grumpy hurting from the previous night and am very tired.

So for Christmas my dad got me the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child / Your Fussy Baby and decided to start sleep training December 26th. I know its soon but what do I have to lose besides sleep and I'm almost to the point of sleeping in the living room anyway for my own sleep. My hubby snores and I also fear that will be the straw that makes me leave him for another room in the house if I can't get a decent night's sleep.

I know I am to read the book but since there is no audio book, I can't have it play while I work or have it play when I am surfing the net. I tried to get my hubby to read the book but he says it puts him to sleep. Its actually right next to me. I should be reading while I have a little time on my hands but there is a lot of things to do when she actually gets put down for the night.

I spy with my little eyes

2009-12-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

I loved playing the eye spy game when I was little because I had so few friends. I felt like I was part of the action but wasn't getting to involved because the other kids didn't like that I was different then them. I was tall, had been put back a grade so I was that much taller than the kids in my class, felt akward that I didn't have the latest clothes and got pushed around a lot. So many things that people just called me names. I hated to be called Jolly Green Giant. And other tall jokes. I know kids can be mean but to me I didn't have anyone to vent to. Mom was drunk and put a good show when she was at the teacher's confrences.

I became what I spyed. A bully in Jr High. And people respected me the hard way. I learned in High School and actually got to appologize to some of the people that were scared of me.

Then one day I met an old bully from elemntary school. He remembered me from the school days and said he was sorry for treating me the way he did back then. I said don't feel or say sorry to me but say that to the people that I hurt because of what you did to me! I didn't keep in touch with him after that. I kinda wish I got at least his email address but what ya going to do now?

a Letter to my mother

2009-11-23T13:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Mom,

Let's see it's been two years since you passed away and a lot has happened. Got married and resently gave birth to a baby girl. I know you would be beaming at her and maybe you are from where ever you are right now.

Every day I keep wondering what I was like as a little baby in your arms when my baby hits a milestone. What age was I cooing? What age was I sitting up. Was I always up for the first few months or a sound sleeper even at 2 months?

Your grand child will never know our side of the family since it's so fragmented. The conversations with my Aunts are usually distant because of the distance you kept with them. They don't know the small things with me as you did. All of the big firsts you saw and recorded, but some left when you left this earth. Some times I think she is you, but she is her own person. Though I look at her and I can't help but wonder if any of our side peeked through. MIL has told me accounts of when my husband was little but I would think you have a bit to say about me as a baby too. Maybe too much information.

I ask my step dad how I was when I was little, but he doesn't remember much because he wasn't allowed at the time to be around me or he wasn't there because you as the sole provider didn't want any one around. Again I do not know about that time in my life. "I don't remember" is a montra that he keeps repeating and it hurts to hear but questions keep poping out when I am around since he is my sole source of information for that time period.

I hope that you are finally at peace and I'll write more latter.

Big Brother Big Sisters and Friendship Stone

2009-11-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

This is my first big promotion for a great company and a great organization!

Have you every given away a friendship bracelet or something small (or large) to a friend to remember you by? Do you have something like that in a keepsake box on your dresser and every time you look at the object it reminds you of that person and you are comforted by that thought and reminds you to get in contact with that person?

Well the people at Friendship Stone (Follow them on twitter @friendshipstone) have taken that to heart and teamed up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters to give a lucky person a set of necklaces that you can give to your best friend.

Please click the banner and you can enter today!

Why am I awake

2009-11-07T09:16:00.000-08:00

Honestly, baby is a sleep next to me, hubby is drunk on the Quil (Niqul) because he is sick and I am looking at other peoples blogs and super jealous of what they have in regards to a home and a baby that sleeps in a crib. I wish I could have at least the house part but would love to have one night where my baby isn't at my boob and I could get some sleep. Some nights I want to turn over so I have to wake the little one to move and she doesn't go down right away! *FAIL*

Lefty v Righty

2009-11-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

Talking about boobs for a second. In my few months of lactating for my little one, I have fought with them to produce more so they can keep up with the high demand of her needs. Each one is different in size and shape and output. I wish that they would be consistant with the out put each day is different and each hour is as different as the next.

I have also medicated them, well myself, with herbs and other wreid tasting teas. I am thinking about the health of my baby though and can live with out good tasting soda and beers. Though I have had some soda I have not yet had the PP taste of Guiness. I know for one pump I can but not wanting to be a snob I would rather have my baby have fresh off the tap then frozen right now.

In about a month or so I am faced with a decision that I have been putting off for the sake of my baby. Due to my depression (not the PPD but a harsher kind) I need to start taking my medication that would really be bad for baby. I put it off while I was pregnant because of the bad health risks that she could have devloped in the ute and I really wanted to boob feed because it helps with the development and I was boob fed. Kind of in a weird way returning a healthy life for my baby that my mother provided for me.

So the hard question is when do I stop for the health of my baby, in June or for my health in December? That is the question.

fan following

2009-10-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

So I don't know if I have a following or not. Don't want to go ol'skool and put up a ticker count but would like to know of anyone reads this or my other blogs because it's a little sad. I don't do major give-a-ways and I don't think some one should to get more readership though. Oh well I guess I'll be rambling on and soon hopefully I can turn my website into a Mecca!

Pregnancy Withdrawl

2009-10-28T21:38:00.001-07:00

I think I am being bitten by the baby bug again, but as I would need to spend another year at the work I am trying to get out of because of the medical and the certainty of having a paycheck. Also as the ticker on my side bar states there is another year before we (hubby and I) would feel comfortable TTC'ing again. My OBGYN says that she doesn't want me pregnant again for another year as well due to the C-Section I had, but I have a sneaking suspicion its to get me medicated and feeling like a new person, though I don't want to get pregnant with the medication that I am on. They are very harsh class C drugs (bad for baby in tummy and for Breast Feeding) and I am currently disobeying doctors orders for another month and a half so my baby can have 6 months of the Boob milk. I know its bad but its not like they can arrest me for taking that stance.

Its fun to look at my pregnancy blog (clicky) and see the tickers move backwards and then forwards because it goes on a due date that has no year date. But alas I have a healthy and happy four month old, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Maybe next year we can try for a 10/10/10 or an 11/11/11 or a 12/12/12 baby.

must have a title 2

2009-10-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

Well MIL made up with me and everything is fine for now.

Now I want to make a web site dedicated to MIL stories and have people comment on them. Maybe there is one out there are ready.

must have a title

2009-10-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Mil issues have sprung up. Yea, the person that is watching my baby. The latest issue is that I ignored her by not giving the baby over to her this past Sunday for hugs and kisses. I would have if she had not seen baby on Friday and shown up with two baby on bord sun shades signs in her window, when both me and hubby told her they were a waste of money and not like the car seat has a shade on it all ready.

Maybe I am a little jeilous about not having a desent car to drive so I can put one in my window but it's agrovating when it's your child and some one else acts like the mom!

So I have decided

2009-10-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

To make my dream a reality. That's right a full blown website dedicated to my dream of visiting every Baseball park in the United States *Canada as well! As the Blue Jays still play in the Major Leagues*. I am going to try to shoot for the 2011 Season, but it may be 2012 or 2013 if I don't get sponsors because all the travel will cost MONEY! Though I am hopeful that MLB, ESPN or local news agencies will jump on board since, Hehhem I am a woman that loves baseball and would be willing to travel for cheep and sit in the bleachers. If I do get the sponsorships I hope that I get to run on the field of each ball park or throw out the first pitch for at least two games or even at the All Star game! That would be so AWESOME!

Actually had desent sleep last night

2009-10-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

I was very tired last night and hubby help put baby to sleep but I wasn't in the frame of mind to reset the clock and have some good loving from the Hubby. I really did try to wake up but that's how tire I was. any way I had actual deep sleep for more than 20 minutes and still feel like I can get 8 hrs more of the good sleep. Right now I am trying to help hubby put baby to sleep and it looks like its working.... Maybe not.

yatta yatta yatta

2009-10-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

Tired, hungry and looking forward to seeing my daughter in a little more than an hour. Hubby is looking for another job. Maybe he might work a second just for the weekends. That means me picking up the slack a lot more than I have been. *side eyes* Since I am taking care of Bella I can't get a second job so to speak. I can but I don't want her to grow up with Grandma as her PCG. I would love to work at home so I can earn some extra monies and have a second income to my first.

Wish I had a do over

2009-10-18T20:32:00.001-07:00

In life there are challenges that you want to do over. With me it would be pregnancy and this home. I know that there is no re-doing something that is pretty much done but if I had something like that I would have to say I wouldn't have gotten pregnant until I moved to Portland and had my own home with a separate room for the baby. I LOVE my little one to death and I wouldn't have it any other way, but with my stuff, my hubby's stuff and my dear daughters stuff in a one bedroom duplex and two cats (Can't forget them!) space is very limited and its getting on my nerves. I think because of my DD's sleep habits, my back injury and a few other things that are beyond my control I have a limit on what is going to be clean for the next few months. I just wish I had a do over button so I could be in a better situation than what I have now so that the WHOLE family can be happy with the space around them and I don't have to look at any boxes except for the ones we pack Christmas ornaments in for the next year. I can finally paint a color in a room and have stuff hanging on the walls and feel that I own something instead of looking at what we could have had in a REMAX listing. I know play a teeny tiny violin for me but I have money in the bank and I should just go up there and buy something but with out an income up there and simi struggling down here its a perfect dose of Foreclosure for me and I don't want that for myself or my family.

don't know what to do

2009-10-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

I really want out of my job but as hubby is living day by day at his job though his benefits go through me so we don't stress out about that untill I quit then it will get hectic. I also have to worry about baby now. I think hubby can get insurance for all of us. I have pre existing up the yin/yang!

Donations for Christmas

2009-10-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

I want to help a charity this winter but I don't know which one to do. There are a lot in these hard times that need any penny that we can spare. Yes, baby related ones always tug at the heart strings, but what about unicef that help children around the world, or the local shelter that feeds the homeless? Or local women shelter that helps women and children of all ages not just infants. I also don't want to have people donate just because they win prizes, yes its nice to have a reward in these times for giving, but aren't we taught that giving is better than receiving? Especally during the Christmas holiday. (I know its before Halloween, but strolling down your local Target they have Christmas lights and decorations in their isles now.)

I always feel that I am one paycheck away from needing help myself. I am not going to lie to myself and say I can't be affected. I think that is why I don't know what charity to sponsor a major money drive.

So in the coming weeks I will be featuring 3 or 4 organizations that could use the help. I don't know how to put up fancy clicky buttons, but I will try. I don't know if I will be able to give away headbands or find Uber nice sponsors that are willing to raffle off their wears, I do have a 4 month old to take care of, but again its better to give than receive right?

If you want to help please leave comments on this post.

Moo

2009-10-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

::hits head on desk:: got nothing to do except wait on hold. It feels like an eternity but it's been 5 minutes so far. Then I don't have much going on except for answering phones and then go home :)

how far can we go?

2009-10-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

Today or tomorrow hubby finds out if he has a job for the next 6 months. He would love it if he did that way we can pay off A Lot of debt and be in good shape for a home loan!

keep on truckin

2009-10-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

Soon to be blogging in style. I want to express my artsy side but like essay writing it seems to get stuck somewhere between my head and eyes because I still have my 4th grade teacher's voice saying "That is not art! Class look at the scribblings "AP" did." And every one looking at my art and laughing at me. Yes that was years ago but still it has haunted me since. Hopefully with my Bella I can get out of the shell and break into a mode that was stolen from me.

Jamakin bacon

2009-10-02T12:48:00.000-07:00

No not a recipe for jerk bacon but something my hubby might be doing with the rest of this year as once again the economy+industry+overall luck = job loss. I might have a job on Monday, I say this because I was at work for a full week and a half and I call in sick for two days. What a life huh? I can always go back temp though I wouldn't have the hours I do now and I might have to BART in to work. Or use the bug as primary transport around here. I am going on Monday start finding bills and paper work for the auto accident claim and hopefully that can supplement some for the bleeding (monies) for a month or two.

Tonight is have all the bills on the table night and see how much out of every paycheck we can afford to pay off so that we can be clear by 201o. Its only 2 months away but still it would be nice to have no debt. Well at least the majority of bills like Credit and an old debt my hubby has right now. If we can pull this off it would leave us one bill that is major and the monthly costs of running a house.

sleep

2009-09-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

Going to work at 6am doesn't leave much time for much but at 2:30 woot! Time to go home and be with the LO!

my milk came back... for now

2009-09-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Just as I thought it was a bleek out look I got Milk for Two and my supply shot up! I don't think I am pregnant, since we have only attempted to do the deed twice (hurt each time, but less the second time) and there has been no other contact. Maybe stress the big tank buster came my way.

In that time I have made peace with things not in my control though it is hard not to think about it, it in the future and in the past and I need to live in the present for my baby! Like I was when I was at home with her!

Milk Tank went hard core

2009-09-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

So I think there is added stress on you when you work and and your hubby needs to fire people and he is on the verge of getting fired himself. I was getting better with the pump at work thing then Tues-Thursday, I saw and felt like my boobs were going back to no milk status. I wasn't going to give up so I went searching for websites this is a good one I found: WorkAndPump.com The site is awesome about suggestions and the fact that its very positive and like a friend next door attitude is another plus! Milk is coming back so hopefully I am past the dark week.

if men had the kids

2009-09-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

Then there would be the following:
1. Leave from work for 6 months, not 12 weeks.
2. Men would understand why women get pissed of at MIL's but instead FIL's
3. Breastfeeding would become an actual sport and so would baby shuffleboarding (Malcome in the Middle reference - does anyone remember that show? I do - "life is unfair")

I write this with the realization that my own MIL is about to be primary care giver to my little one and with my lack of trust of maternal women in my life a big new adventure is coming on Monday of going to work full time, last week was awesome because I worked for 6 hrs, pumping in weird places and sending my baby to MIL care in which I have spent a grand total of 25 days with. To me I need to spend a bit more time get to know her. My hubby says I am "over reacting" because of my lack of family and not having a loving relationship with my mother. And I would be better at this if I was on meds. Umm I think not. Meds would be good and relaxing, but going to trust some one he calls "crazy" as well but follows it up with "I got to love her" is not really confidence boosting to me! Also she goes wacko on trying to have things for my daughter. She wants to buy an air purifier for the trailer. She says it's to protect my daughter. I think that's BS. Just say it's for yourself and I'll be ok with it. Also she washes things before she gives it to us: she bought my daughter Bee tights and washed them. A few months a go while I was still pregnant, she washed a shirt that she gave me and appologized that it was still wet and a tad wrinkly. Umm we do have a washer/dryer at our house and I could have washed it myself. And when I say I want to buy my daughter something she puts it in the cart and buys it for me. I guess that is good but everytime? I need to go to bed and put pump stuff away. Thanks for reading.

day number 2

2009-09-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

As in work day number 2. I know I need to go to work to help with Baby but it's breaking my heart that I HAVE to do this. Why can't I be a sahm and pay bills and keep house. I know the last one is something I have to work on but I can do it!

mas leche

2009-09-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

In order for me not to freak about my milk I made a spread sheet. Why you ask? Because with out it I would be spending long hours with the pump attached to my boobs and losing my ever freaking mind tring to see if I made enough to feed my baby. So far to date I have made 86 oz minus 9 oz she ate Friday so in total I am up 77 oz (does happy dance) for her to eat during the week and I should pump 5 times. Once in the morn before work, each 15 min brakes, once at lunch and before she gets home from GranCare. The oz should rack up but I am told and read that it, like life, ebs and flows with stress. So my goal for the next two months is not to stress out to the point of dropping my supply to zero. That would be bad!

wait for it

2009-09-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

It's one in the morning and I am up waiting for baby to wake up. I should get to bed before she gets up and my milk supply tanks.

One Year ago and Today

2009-09-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

One year ago I was worried that I wouldn't get pregnant, had a major tooth cap problem and worried about money.

Today, I have a 3 month old, the cap on my tooth is fixed and I am still worried about money.

My worries:
My 3 month old: how we can afford college as it is going to be many more thousands than I can count on my little fingers (Hoping for a scholarship!). How she will like or dislike her parental figures in the future (I guess time will tell). How MIL will impact the next 6 months she has her in her care and I won't have a HUGE say in what goes on.

How we are going to find and afford a house in a city a thousand miles away *only 650 miles, but feels like a thousand miles away* Have a down payment but no house prospects yet.

Money is always a topic of worry. Since I had my baby I have been getting GOV checks and they were coming pretty regularly until this past month and then because of a change in delivery (Me) the checks stopped and now I am past due on a few bills. I worry that I won't get enough money from the accident insurance claim and then I have to pay people and start saving for my 3 month old's college fund. I just don't know what to do.
I signed up for a work at home and since I was, is and still am depressed so I paid $250 for some products and thought I could do it but with a lack of support from my Hubby and all of the weird things in my brain, I quit. But as the products are still in my house I keep thinking about the what if and can I really do what they what me to do. I keep coming back to wanting the best for my little one.

Speaking of the little one I must attend to the dear or she's going to blow a blood vessel.

new mom hell

2009-09-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

Well it's offical I want to be a stay at home mom but we can not afford it. Waiting for MIL to tap out of baby holding. FML

Why oh why is it hard?

2009-09-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

I still am debating about my mental health. Each day I look into my Dear Daughters eyes while she sucks nutrients out of my boobs. I have pictures of it so its not like I have no record, but its just hard to know that maybe I will never have those moments. It makes me feel like a double standard as I would tell anyone to give up the feedings if it means a happier you. But why can't I do it for myself?

What to do

2009-09-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have support but not 100% support from my husband. I don't know if its a 85/15 or its 95/5 but I don't have that you can do it honey attitude. I think I need a full 100% right now so that I don't feel alone. It makes me question sometimes why I am in this relationship. Is it out of convenience or now because of Bella I need to stay so that she doesn't have a messed up mommy? Or do I leave them both just for her sake and try to pick up the shattered remains? Or is it because of this depression that I am having this conversation?

in a daze

2009-08-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to make a decision about your life when attached to a baby. I know I need medication it's been a year and change. I want to have the best for my daughter = Breastfeeding is best. I don't know why it's hard for me to make that decision of wanting a happy mother to a happy daughter by medicating mommy. I guess I don't want the conversation when she is older of why I did what I did when she was a baby and have her blame her problems on me doing what I did when she sits across from me in therapy. FML

What a pain

2009-08-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today I have to get medical records from KP again then talk with the billing department for the amount owed due to the car accident. What a joy huh?

a bit of surreal life

2009-08-22T17:39:00.000-07:00

Last year there was a lot of problems with my teeth and the a positive pregnancy test. This year problems with my back and then a birth of my baby girl. Next year a new zip code in a new state and a new job. The next year another pregnancy and another round of sleepless nights. I keep asking myself if I want another baby or even go for a third but I look at my baby girl and think it is all worth the pain of pregnancy and I think I would have a boy either of my next two. Maybe we will stop at the second one if I do get the boy this next round!

11 months

2009-08-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

I know it's a G rated web blog but it's been 11 months with no time with the hubby! Next month will be the year anniversary of my big fat positive (BFP) time has flown yet has been stagnate at times. I really want some but I don't know when the hubby will get stuffs nor will I be on the pill or put things that have a 95% chance of stopping me from getting a BFP again in a few months. Le sigh.

FML

2009-08-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

I guess having a wide awake 2 month old is good(?) in away but in my mind baby should go to sleep and enjoy sweet nothings for the recommended 16hrs a day. I have no opportunity to do anything like "sleep when the baby is sleeping" if she never sleeps then where do I stand? In the little time I do have I write this and take a shower and or do something for myself. FML right now

So much to do; So little time

2009-08-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

So many people have said don't worry about the house work, don't worry about (insert any number of things here) you have a baby to take care of! I know not to worry 100%, but it does make me feel like a pain in the side of my husband when I can't do anything from the time I get up to the time I sleep to the time in my sleep that I can't get something done to show that I have done something to get the house in order. I give mass props to SAHM (Stay At Home Moms) that do that plus take care of baby. Any one want a job taking care of me and part of the house work and a cute baby?? Anyone??

Downer today

2009-08-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

I found out from my boss that two co-workers got into a serious accident. It made me think of when I was in the accident back in Febuary. How I could be in a tramtic zone even now if I lost my little daughter. I complain sometimes but I know how good I have it with a healthy baby girl on my shoulder. Even with the thoughts of my doubting myself, I still thank all my lucky stars that she is healthy and happy.

My thoughts are with the people that are greving and wish that they find peace in their own time.

a thought

2009-08-12T23:42:00.000-07:00

I have a very happy and healthy baby girl and she is the love of our lives. Then why do I feel like it's all for not?!?! I am extreamly mehh about the whole mommy thing and took it at a hit to my system that I am not the super mommy, super wife and super to myself. I think one thing is that I don't have moblity as my car was recked and I have yet to replace it. It has taken me a couple of months to get over the medication I was taking to stop any depression I was to incure though it was not for me ppl with nannys go for it!

Ending post now just hoping for a few hrs sleep!

A baby on the way

2009-02-24T19:08:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been writing on this blog because I have been in a new space! a happy and very healthy space. I have been pregnant for 6 months now and finally learning how to spell pregnant with out the spell checker or google!

Hope to see you on http://a-baby-bump.blogspot.com/

My Cats

2008-09-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

These are the pictures to go along with the two Cats I speak of!

Tooth Update

2008-09-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

well I went to the Dentist and the put on the temp again only because I came the week that the MD has Monday's off. I am just about to jump off the deep end with the tooth and then the manager gave me a discount on the tooth guard that would have cost me like $485 and now its over $140 off which is not a bad rate but its just tiresome to go to that office so many times. That is all for now.

Tooth

2008-09-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

My tooth cap came out yesterday and its been tiresome. Tomorrow I am going to call them and get my regular tooth cap on and not come back. GURRRRRR

yawn

2008-09-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

Waking up by cats is not fun. I have the tv on and watching discovery health and I have my bindi on my lap *she ran away when I sneezed*. Still no baby trace though. I know that some time its coming and I still have the MD appointment at the end of the month and another month wait for the MD to tell me that more tests are in order. Hopefully I'll get pregnate soon or at least by March of 2009.

The wedding picture

2008-09-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

my day in colage style. R. Mann took the photos' I wish I was taking the photo's I am in them :)

owwie

2008-09-14T10:23:00.001-07:00

Well I am in pain well sort of due to the temp cap that came out again. Thursday I went to the dentist as per the blog on Thursday stated. Then that night I think I swallowed it then Friday I went to the dentist to get it replaced. Then the dental Assistant raped my gums with out numbing meds though I though it would be over in a few minutes. Then last night as I was sucking on M&M's the 2nd one came off so now I have to wait till Monday to get my tooth worked again! :(

Today is crappy

2008-09-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today I found out hubby got fired. He couldn't last the week with this job. He had one bad day and poof there goes the happy. He also didn't come to help when I was yelling in pain. My little kitty doesn't like the water and is terrorized in the bathroom by the sink. I needed help and he wasn't there. I don't know it seems so much stress was lifted off of my shoulders when he had a job and now that he doesn't, the stress has come back.

Gotta like it or lump it

2008-09-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

So hubby not only has one job but has an interview for a job today. I wish that it was for a closer job than San Rafel, but to have a steady job instead of temp work that will last 10 weeks and then through the holidays he's depressed because he can't find another job because every one of the jobs are taken. I also started a new blog though it won't be updated until I do get pregnant. It's a-baby-bump.blogspot.com. Or so I think. I'll post later if it's not the right blog. Waiting for the end of day at work I get out of here early if I don't get some other cases or 5.

Just a Test

2008-09-07T19:29:00.001-07:00

This is my first post through email. Though I am not going to do this often just want to see what it actually does.

:)
--
"You play in my world, I live in yours"

Holloween and Cats

2008-09-07T19:11:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend with the hubby at his temp work and doing some grunt work by moving boxes and constructing H-Frames but its fun. Though its been a struggle cuz its hot and we are both out of shape even though its been a year since I have been in retail. Hubby is happy that he is now working!!! Less stress for me to work hard and be happy when I come home after a hard day at work.

My cats have been doing well since Jeremy is back in to work and we are not at home 24/7

Me and the MD

2008-09-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

So emailed the md my consern about the flow coming 5 days early and she wants me to do some blood work so she can test the hormones. But on a better note hubby got a job and another

freken hot

2008-09-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

Its pretty hot in the home. The hubby is telling me about MO. and how the humidity is like H E double hockey sticks. I still have no kids in the belly and the flow changed so I really thinking about going to the doctors and getting meds to get me preggie. I think we will need to get IVF'ed but its one more month before we can go doctors and see what is up with the baby factory. I think its hubby but who knows.

mehhh

2008-08-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to post so I'll keep it to what is going on with the house two cats relaxing and a husband on the computer not really looking at anything in particular.

Baby fritters

2008-08-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

To have hope eternal sucks. I have been waiting though a short time for a little bump in my tummy it seems it's taking for ever. Most doctors state a wait period of at least 6 months and as much as a year. Though it's easy for them to state that it's hard on the nerves. Even with the countless tips on the net every month it's hard on the nerves to read about some other persons bundle and I know there are people who want children desperatly but can't and there are some that adopt and the get a bump. Though I am not one to state anything wrong about these optios, I do nt meet the adoption critea or I would.

feeling ill

2008-07-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well it's only been a few hours and I am feeling sick. It is proably the pill I take and the lack of miso soup in my tummy. I am on hold waiting for somebody to talk to. Ah work the buzz kill of the day. It's better than looking at the white walls at my house and wondering what the rest of the world is doing. Most of the day goes by fast but waiting for 30 minutes each call suxs. I will leave this message till another random thought gets in my head.

1 in the morning

2008-07-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

it's one am in the morning and pretty much not doing much of anything. I have been thinking though of all the "friends" I have had in the past and it's sad to say but I don't have that many left. I am suprized that my anti-social skills has not scared away my now hubby. It was pretty close a few times. Now as I sit up in bed and not wanting to go to sleep because of one reason or another I don't know if I can make a friendship be renewed or it is way to late to mend a few people's tie togethere. :?