Windows in My life

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thinking

Been doing a lot of thinking.

Been doing a lot of drinking and thinking.

Well haven't been doing the drinking, however been doing a lot of thinking.

A friend recently was dumped by a guy she thought she loved and it brought out a few emotions for me. The first was empathy for her loss. I mean I've been through a whopper of a trial recently. The second was to be cold, bitter, and basically a dumb robot.

Felt numb, felt nothing, felt like a disembodied person with no heart. That scared me.

Have I become a robot with no other feelings besides a few that I hold dear to my chest? I know that love is there to be compassionate, but it wasn't the case. Still hurting. A close friend said that I couldn't see what P.S. I Love You meant because "[I] have been a lil hurt from love..." Very true. I cried more at that statement and the one that followed than the movie that I watched twice and only cried once or twice at the wrong points in the movie, or what I thought was the wrong points of the movie.

The feeling that I was trying to pass on that robot feeling. Going through the motions of very day life with out that feeling of love towards some one and when you find that some one that truly deserves that love, you are at a loss for what you need to do or say. And maybe a few years go by and that chance has gone away.

I don't know maybe the right person has not yet graced my life or maybe that person has come and gone.

I don't really want to be a robot.

Does not compute.

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