Windows in My life

Thursday, September 11, 2014

My littles

Don't really talk about them too much on here. They are the lights of my life and wonder why I was blessed with them.

The oldest one actually has her own blog. I haven't updated it in a few years. I think because of a few thousand things that are happening in my life, that updating it seems to validate reality. She is almost old enough to write on it so maybe in a year she'll be the 6 year old with a voice and a place to vent it.

The youngest I thought I would start it any day now. I have enough time to recap almost 3 years of missed time.

Hopefully with three blogs and school and a part time job, I'll be able to do them justice.

I have always tried to make sure that I am the best parent, even at the darkest times, I have tried to not push the facts. When they ask me a question about life or why the X isn't here I try to answer enough for the "Why" question not to be asked. Or I'll pull the mom maneuver of next subject please and move on with life.

I keep thinking that I'm doing a disservice to them, by being bi-polar and having "bad days"; however they are pretty bright and the youngest has even just snuggled with me when I needed it. I think if I ever leave them I would make the worst mistake of my life and theirs. I think being bi-polar, I can look for the signs and get them help when it first starts and not just pass it off as a phase. Its going to help with they are pre-teens. Even now I want to take them and put them in therapy just so that the oldest can work out the issues with mommy and daddy not being in the same house, as she sees her friends.

Though I think now that the oldest is in Elementary on up, the world of mix and match parents will be more normal than at a small daycare. I hope she'll be able to see that it was for the best, even though I didn't want to get divorced, however it seems like the best decision I didn't have to make.

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