After my separation (and now divorce), I've been thinking about how my heart would react to another man in my life. How my heart would feel being that I still have feelings for the X no matter what some one says, he is the father of my littes and some one I deeply cared about.
However, being what I went through for 2 years, seeing what he put the littles through and myself, it is hard to try to find some bone that had a ounce of love for him. Let alone the other 50% of the population that shares the same Y Chromosome.
Yet, after the two years, I think I found some one that anytime he looks at me I feel gushy inside. I feel like my X didn't exist when I look into his eyes. Time and reality slows down when I am with him. Staying up watching YouTube videos at midnight and arguing about cooking methods that are being used is actually fun.
I think he feels the same way because of his actions speak louder than his words. He gets in the front seat of my car if another guy is around me. The other day I took him and a friend on a cider run and I had said tall people in the front, yet he jumped in the front seat and let the tall guy in back. He sticks close to me when we are alone and when other people are around. And he walked with me around a hotel during a school event because he wanted to be with me with no other person around, then the other night I put my arm through his and he held it tight against his body.
Its hard with him leaving to tell him that I really could see a future together if we had a bit more time. I know he needs to leave and I don't want to be any reason why he has regrets about leaving. I also know in 6 months time he may forget me.
Maybe in time I may forget him as well and this period in my life will be a happy blip on how I got to a better person because of him.