Windows in My life

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Being depressed

I am sorry for the few who read this blog that I have been a ghost. I have been in kind of a slump for a few weeks. It starts with a day; then two and now its coming more and more frequent.

I guess because of the slow weaning of my daughter. This past month I got AF again. I should be happy. Getting rid of the junk in side to make new stuff for a new life. This is what I wanted right?

The past few weeks, I felt that I have a been slipping into the could have, would have, should haves. I should be pregnant, should have a second room for Bella. Could have bought a house in a new state and not waiting for my husband to be ready to quit his job and start a new. Could be in a different place with different people. I guess you can move, but you take yourself with you and your troubles. I would have felt differently if I didn't lose the only thing I had to comfort myself for 20+ yrs. I know I'm outing myself as one of those people, but it has helped me when I was stressed, helped me cope with loss and feelings of depression. And now I think of it being in a trash heap some where and I lose 10-15 minutes of sleep each and every night.

Call me a fool, call me what you will but I am in the mist of being in a depression that might last a few more months with or with out meds.