Windows in My life

Friday, June 4, 2010

Emergency Exits and #ppd

What do you think of when I say Emergency Exit? The sign above the door at work, resturant or in an airplane? You see them every where when you are out and about. But what about your own enviroment?

I am talking about your house and your very own mind.

I have had times when I was depressed, before my bout with PPD (that started when I was going back to work), that my mind felt like a big block of stone with SO many thoughts that it hurt and the only way to end the pressure was to end my missery by doing something irraversable. After banging my head (really true) a few times to the point of pain and wallowing in self pitty for a few days, I would get a bit better and venture off into the world again.

Now it's different reason my baby girl. I can't show that to my daughter or she would start thinking it's normal and do that infrount of people like my MIL, which she might take her away forever and that would make me very depressed!

Any way. Back to the subject at hand. After PPD medication that made me wacked out of my mind. Taking meds that make u sleepy with a 0 month old needing to eat every 2-3 hrs plus when she'd nap it was in my arms or in the car equaled one stressed out, strung out new mom! It was only after 3 weeks did I take myself off of them that I was starting to see clearer.

I realized that most of my depression at home steamed from not being moble (see Feb-March '09 entrys for more info). I had no car so I stayed home and felt trapped. And the only respit was after my hubby came home after work and drove me places. On a few occasions I rented a car but that didn't last but the weekends. So there I was with a crying 0 then 1 then 2 month old and no where to go praying that she'd go to sleep in her crib and that 6 pm would come and hubby could play with baby while I hide and try to get a moment to take a shower.

Around the 2.5 months in to what I thought as a prison sentince, my husband said "I am carpooling so the car maybe yours for a day or so." I about jumped to the moon!

The next 3 weeks were fun. Even with a car that wasn't mine I enjoyed it. Even if I did not go anywhere that week it was a joy just to know I had it.

Here is my top 5 look back/ 20-20 hind sight; wish I thought about it emergency exit plan that might be too late for me but not for you!

1) get a baby sitter. I can hear the comments. I stay in the home 24/7 right now and it's ok, I guess....

Even if you are a stay at home mom, you need some space to do somethings around the home or outside the home alone. I promise you can have your child near but still have no worries about having to keep a 2 month old entertained for hours when you feel the need to clean.

2) go to a support group of like indiviuals. Where it be Breastfeeding, the local gymbore class or a walking group that you do by yourself (ok you can take your baby too). But just to have people in your situation so you don't feel isolated and alone (been there; done that).

I just resently went to the Breastfeeding support group that the lactation consultants at my hospital wanted me to go to a week after baby was born and boy did I miss out on some good advice!

3) talk to your "other" tell them what you need and not what you wish for. If you don't have an "other" then whom ever you tag team with to get you through the day. The saying "It takes a village to raise a kid" was not lying! Communication golden (in my case Platinum) for a run down mommy. Don't hint!! Start saying "I need _____________ done, please."

4) get off the couch and move. Staring at the four walls in the morning, another set in the afternoon and a third set before you close your eyes bites!

Like I said before I was depressed because I was not moble, I did not get my state disablity untill I went back to work so I didn't go out because I dis not want to spend money. I just needed to get out just to see the world beyond my windows.

5) me time. I think we all need to work on this but if you look at the number 1,2,3 and 4 reasons it's best to have that time. Even if you hire a sitter have them come to your house and you take a bouble bath in the middle of the day or get that pedicure you so want to feel human again. And you go to a class to make your self a better mom and communicate with the people around you and move to that ideal weight.

Please feel free to ask any question you have about anything!

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