Windows in My life

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Birth of a Mom part duex

And maybe I would feel a bond with him/her. To tell you the truth I didn't want a Daughter.

I honestly did not want a baby girl to save my life. I know that it sounds mean and hurtful and you are thinking, "Mom, you have a baby girl aren't you in love with her and everything?". Yes, I do have a baby girl and yes I love her to the point of no return. It's just when three generations of women give abuse to the next I still am scared that I will be just the same and will turn on her the same as her grandma (my mother) did to me and going back a few generations.

So what I hoped for was a boy, I really thought it was a boy for the longest time untill the day of my BIG ultra sound and peaked at the lab tech's It's a ....... Comment. Didn't actually read it just scaned to see how many letters after that they were and there were too many to be a boy. And it was that. I decided that I would still love my baby but a fourth generation would not have the same fate as the ones before her. If it was a girl, there still might be a chance, that slim fading chance it wasn't and the tech person was wrong. But as the days got closer and closer I knew my mommy-tuition was wrong about the gender and I had to make it up to the little person that was growing in side of me.

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