Windows in My life

Monday, November 23, 2009

a Letter to my mother

Dear Mom,

Let's see it's been two years since you passed away and a lot has happened. Got married and resently gave birth to a baby girl. I know you would be beaming at her and maybe you are from where ever you are right now.

Every day I keep wondering what I was like as a little baby in your arms when my baby hits a milestone. What age was I cooing? What age was I sitting up. Was I always up for the first few months or a sound sleeper even at 2 months?

Your grand child will never know our side of the family since it's so fragmented. The conversations with my Aunts are usually distant because of the distance you kept with them. They don't know the small things with me as you did. All of the big firsts you saw and recorded, but some left when you left this earth. Some times I think she is you, but she is her own person. Though I look at her and I can't help but wonder if any of our side peeked through. MIL has told me accounts of when my husband was little but I would think you have a bit to say about me as a baby too. Maybe too much information.

I ask my step dad how I was when I was little, but he doesn't remember much because he wasn't allowed at the time to be around me or he wasn't there because you as the sole provider didn't want any one around. Again I do not know about that time in my life. "I don't remember" is a montra that he keeps repeating and it hurts to hear but questions keep poping out when I am around since he is my sole source of information for that time period.

I hope that you are finally at peace and I'll write more latter.

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