Windows in My life

Thursday, August 27, 2009

in a daze

Why is it so hard to make a decision about your life when attached to a baby. I know I need medication it's been a year and change. I want to have the best for my daughter = Breastfeeding is best. I don't know why it's hard for me to make that decision of wanting a happy mother to a happy daughter by medicating mommy. I guess I don't want the conversation when she is older of why I did what I did when she was a baby and have her blame her problems on me doing what I did when she sits across from me in therapy. FML

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

What a pain

Today I have to get medical records from KP again then talk with the billing department for the amount owed due to the car accident. What a joy huh?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

a bit of surreal life

Last year there was a lot of problems with my teeth and the a positive pregnancy test. This year problems with my back and then a birth of my baby girl. Next year a new zip code in a new state and a new job. The next year another pregnancy and another round of sleepless nights. I keep asking myself if I want another baby or even go for a third but I look at my baby girl and think it is all worth the pain of pregnancy and I think I would have a boy either of my next two. Maybe we will stop at the second one if I do get the boy this next round!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

11 months

I know it's a G rated web blog but it's been 11 months with no time with the hubby! Next month will be the year anniversary of my big fat positive (BFP) time has flown yet has been stagnate at times. I really want some but I don't know when the hubby will get stuffs nor will I be on the pill or put things that have a 95% chance of stopping me from getting a BFP again in a few months. Le sigh.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

FML

I guess having a wide awake 2 month old is good(?) in away but in my mind baby should go to sleep and enjoy sweet nothings for the recommended 16hrs a day. I have no opportunity to do anything like "sleep when the baby is sleeping" if she never sleeps then where do I stand? In the little time I do have I write this and take a shower and or do something for myself. FML right now

Monday, August 17, 2009

So much to do; So little time

So many people have said don't worry about the house work, don't worry about (insert any number of things here) you have a baby to take care of! I know not to worry 100%, but it does make me feel like a pain in the side of my husband when I can't do anything from the time I get up to the time I sleep to the time in my sleep that I can't get something done to show that I have done something to get the house in order. I give mass props to SAHM (Stay At Home Moms) that do that plus take care of baby. Any one want a job taking care of me and part of the house work and a cute baby?? Anyone??

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Downer today

I found out from my boss that two co-workers got into a serious accident. It made me think of when I was in the accident back in Febuary. How I could be in a tramtic zone even now if I lost my little daughter. I complain sometimes but I know how good I have it with a healthy baby girl on my shoulder. Even with the thoughts of my doubting myself, I still thank all my lucky stars that she is healthy and happy.

My thoughts are with the people that are greving and wish that they find peace in their own time.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

a thought

I have a very happy and healthy baby girl and she is the love of our lives. Then why do I feel like it's all for not?!?! I am extreamly mehh about the whole mommy thing and took it at a hit to my system that I am not the super mommy, super wife and super to myself. I think one thing is that I don't have moblity as my car was recked and I have yet to replace it. It has taken me a couple of months to get over the medication I was taking to stop any depression I was to incure though it was not for me ppl with nannys go for it!

Ending post now just hoping for a few hrs sleep!